


Alternate Tracks; 2nd Story in Rivalry Series

by KurahieiritrJIO



Series: Rivalry To Lovers [2]
Category: Initial D
Genre: Anal, Angst, Bisexual Male Character, Graphic Description, Gun Violence, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Language, M/M, Minor Character Death, Oral Sex, Original Character(s), Out of Character Moments, Realistic gay relationship portayals, Rivalry to Lovers, Slash, stalker Mogi Natsuki
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-18
Updated: 2018-04-12
Packaged: 2019-03-06 10:01:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 20,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13408875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KurahieiritrJIO/pseuds/KurahieiritrJIO
Summary: Takumi has to face himself and decide if this is love or something else that he feels for Keisuke. As their relationship becomes stronger, Keisuke declares war on Mogi who continues to pursue Takumi through phone calls filled with pressure tactics to get him to return to her. Itsuke/Bunta flip out over Tak's new love when they learn that Tamumi has agreed to date Keisuke. Ryosuke get embroiled in the chaos surrounding Keisuke and Takumi's hidden relationship as the Project D team goes to battle sites outside of Gunma Prefecture.Disclaimer: I do not own Initial D, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.





	1. Book 2 of Rivalry to Lovers Series

**Author's Note:**

> I'm moving all the Rivalry Series here minus all Japanese words that are in the older editions. This is the second story in the Rivalry Series novels I wrote between 2010 and 2013. All for Love is also complete and will be moved here soon. This story includes violence and explores stalker behaviors in the second half.  
> Still dedicating this series to the kids who are bisexual and struggle with their sexuality and social pressure in the real world.  
> Please be advised that I write realistic portrayals of same sex relationships based upon 30 years or more in knowing actual gay and lesbian couples. I do not do dedicated Uke/Seme stories because none of the gay couples I've known since the 1980's have ever been exclusively one or the other. So if you are a reader who detests role switching partners, don't read this story. Bold italics=flashback. Italics=thoughts. otouto=little brother

Alternate Tracks; 2nd Story in Rivalry to Lovers Series: By KurahieiritrJIO

Ryosuke Takahashi watched as his younger brother paced near van two. The team waited for Fujiwara to return from his final practice run. The first hints of dawn spread across the sky to signal the end of their training. Keisuke was expending excess energy it seemed to Ryosuke so he went back to focusing his eyes on his laptop screen. He had completed the modifications' list made to their two race cars.

While Ryosuke worked, his thoughts shifted to the private conversation had with Fujiwara. He visited Fujiwara on the heels of Keisuke's gleeful announcement that the teen agreed to let him prove they belonged together.

_**The waitress left their table to fill their orders. "Fujiwara, I need to talk to you about your relationship with Keisuke."** _

_**"Uhm, you already know?" The youth played with a chopstick as he stared at the table top. His face darkened as he avoided eye contact. "Keisuke said that you felt I was an okay choice, but, I guess I didn't realize, . . ."** _

_**Ryosuke quickly reassured the teen sitting across from him, "I'm not against you being with Keisuke. That's not why I'm here."** _

_**Fujiwara looked up with surprised eyes. He had concluded that he would be condemned Ryosuke realized. "Okay."** _

_**Fujiwara sounded cautious. He was very embarrassed, but his tilted head suggested he would listen to whatever was said. Ryosuke began his campaign. "I've been worried about Keisuke, and Project D for a while."** _

_**"why?"** _

_**Fujiwara's uncomfortable expression and mild fidgeting made Ryosuke wonder what bothered his downhill ace. Fujiwara was tensing. He would try to get answers after he explained his concerns over his younger brother Ryosuke decided. He launched into the main topic.** _

_**"My otouto has a difficult time balancing more than one thing at a time. As his significant other, I need you to be aware that Keisuke will lose focus as a driver."** _

_**Fujiwara's kaleidoscope eyes widened and shifted toward a murky bluish gray. It seemed the younger man felt defensive, and confused. "What?"** _

_**"Do you know why Keisuke avoided romantic involvements before now?" Ryosuke's eyebrow quirked as he stared the younger man down.** _

_**Fujiwara looked even more uneasy while giving a small shake of his head. "Not really. I've seen how girls chase him. Keisuke could have had any one of them he wanted. I guess he just wasn't interested."** _

_**"Keisuke knows himself very well. If he had chosen any of them, he knew he would become wrapped up in them, instead of Project D's success, Fujiwara."** _

_**"But, Keisuke's got incredible focus, skills, and talent. He's dedicated to the team. I know how much time he puts into training." Fujiwara's words flashed from his mouth with an edgy quality. His tone implied that Fujiwara thought he was getting blamed for Keisuke's well-known weakness.** _

_**Raising a hand, Ryosuke sought to stem the younger man's defense. "Let me explain. Keisuke has a difficult time when he divides his attention between two or more important goals."** _

_**"But, Keisuke's focus is incredible!" The dogged determination and irritation grew in Fujiwara's voice.** _

_**"Keisuke's focus, and determination are his greatest strengths, until he has to divide them between more than one goal, Fujiwara." Ryosuke stated the thought in a forceful tone.** _

_**"What does that have to do with me?" Fujiwara sounded frustrated.** _

_**Ryosuke took a drink from his cup before he tried to explain. As agitated as Fujiwara was, using the wrong tone would make gaining Fujiwara's aide difficult. "You're Keisuke's number one priority, Fujiwara. His career objectives will begin to suffer because you're the center of his focus now."** _

_**"But, Keisuke-san's winning his races." Fujiwara grumbled as he slouched lower in his seat.** _

_**Ryosuke lowered his voice and allowed his concern to come through to win Fujiwara over. "For now. Keisuke has always been quite single-minded about every objective, Fujiwara. You're his only priority now, which is what I expected of him. Keisuke may start to lose battles in the near future."** _

_**"I'm sorry, Ryosuke-san. I never meant to, . . ." The youth's voice trickled away as his face dropped into his hands.** _

_**"Fujiwara, don't panic. You don't need to blame yourself because my brother loves you. I certainly don't see this situation as a disaster. Quite the opposite actually." Ryosuke frowned at his young teammate. If he was not cautious, Fujiwara would withdraw from Keisuke which would result in the worst case scenario.** _

_**"But, the team, . . . ?" The teen's voice was raw and unsteady. Ryosuke knew he had to shift Fujiwara's thinking before he lost control of the situation. Fujiwara's low self esteem rearing its head would cause trouble for Project D, and Keisuke.** _

_**"Fujiwara, it's okay to be with Keisuke. There's even a simple solution. That's why I'm here."** _

_**"I didn't know, or I would never have agreed to give Keisuke a chance. I don't want to cause any more problems for the team, Ryosuke-san." Fujiwara looked up with worried eyes.** _

_**Ryosuke spoke in a stern tone to insure his brother's boyfriend got the message and would think before he acted rashly. "Don't think that turning Keisuke down would have changed the result. You made the right choice, Fujiwara. I'm here to ask if you're willing to help Keisuke focus by reminding him to apply himself to his driving whenever he gets too absorbed with you."** _

_**"But, what good will that do, Ryosuke-san?"** _

_**"Keisuke needs your help to balance his priorities. Are you willing to remind him to put effort into his nightly training?"** _

_**"I, . . . I could try." Obviously, Fujiwara was at a loss for how he could achieve that goal.** _

_**"If you can convince Keisuke to work on his driving, then he'll make an effort to stay on top of his skills. I know that you have the influence if you chose to wield it, Fujiwara."** _

_**"Why are you asking me, instead of telling this to Keisuke-san?"** _

_**"Keisuke returned home wearing a huge grin on his face, and said you agreed to give him a chance yesterday morning."** _

_**"Uhm, . . . okay." Ryosuke watched his downhill specialist squirm in his seat as he turned his flushed face aside.** _

_**"Then my brother proceeded to focus on different ideas to convince you to remain with him, Fujiwara. Keisuke's still wrapped up in considering his options." Ryosuke could not hide the dryness of his tone.** _

_**The teen's eyes widened. "He's doing, . . . what?"** _

_**"Keisuke's thinking up ways to make sure that you'll want to stay with him, Fujiwara. He's not going to listen to me for a while."** _

_**"If you can't talk to him, what chance do I have of getting anywhere with him?" A hand ran through amber brown locks as the younger man asked.** _

_**"Keisuke hasn't realized that I'm not going to steal you away from him. He fears that you're attracted to me. Until he realizes that there's no possibility of that, I'm the last person that can talk to him about his career goals. He'll see anything I say as interference with you."** _

_**A far away, spaced-out-look covered Fujiwara's face as he considered everything Ryosuke was telling him. His eyes were shifting colors again.** _

_**"I'll try to get Keisuke-san to focus on his training, Ryosuke-san."** _

_**"Thanks, Fujiwara. That's a great relief." Ryosuke felt his own tension begin to ease as he looked at his downhill racer.** _

_**"I don't know that it'll help." The teenaged driving genius shook his head.** _

_**"I believe in your ability to give Keisuke concrete direction to balance his career with being in love with you." The younger man bit his lower lip as he turned bright red again. Ryosuke wondered how difficult things were going to get before his two aces either calmed down, or failed to get settled with each other as he took a sip of his tea.** _

The high-pitched sound of exhaust jarred Ryosuke back to the present. He looked up from his laptop as the modified panda Trueno stopped in front of van two. He focused on the young man getting out of the machine. Amber-haired, with a sleepy expression, and a small, though not delicate framed body greeted his eyes.

Bewildered by his younger brother's unexpected taste in lovers, Ryosuke sought to accept this situation. Knowing he had missed Keisuke's genuine attachment to Akina's downhill specialist irked Ryosuke, especially as their team leader. Every time he recalled Keisuke's previous vicious tempered antics, the truth was conclusive.

Fujiwara's exhaustion induced car wreck revealed Keisuke's affection a month before. The younger man failed to put on his racing harness after he and Keisuke had a confrontation on the course. The original seat belt was unable to handle the strain of the glancing granite face impact.

Tests unveiled other medical problems beside a concussion at the hospital. The combination of Fujiwara's medical problems, and trauma from witnessing the wreck forced Keisuke to face his unrequited love. Keisuke had assumed that he wanted Fujiwara, and that the teenager felt the same. Ryosuke had destroyed that suspicion at the hospital while standing outside Fujiwara's hospital room.

Ryosuke could never have coped with the situation were he in the teen's position. Fujiwara believed for most of the year that Keisuke hated him. His having managed to grasp the dilemma stunned Ryosuke. The younger ace understood that Keisuke was fighting himself, and venting frustration at everyone. In Fujiwara's place, upon learning the truth, Ryosuke knew he would have made Keisuke miserable.

The new harmony within the team relieved Ryosuke. Things were calmer since Keisuke faced his turmoil. With Keisuke understanding the root of his jealousy, a peaceful atmosphere was forming in Project D. Ryosuke had engineered several new tactics to train Fujiwara while reducing friction with his volatile brother.

Keisuke asked Fujiwara to be his significant other. The younger man had agreed to try and adapt to dating him. Trouble would follow if Ryosuke forgot Keisuke's insecurity in their fragile relationship. Although he had no romantic interest in the quiet youth, Keisuke was panicking over the possibility of losing his flimsy claim on Fujiwara's heart. Only Fujiwara could convince Keisuke that there was nothing to fear whenever they worked together.

Ryosuke searched for Keisuke. If he watched Fujiwara for too long, Keisuke could explode again. He refused to revive the previous tension. Keisuke's bouts of inexplicable rage had dominated Project D since the active training and racing phase began. He found Keisuke watching Fujiwara from beside van two. Their eyes met and Ryosuke stifled irritation at feeling so defensive. Managing his stormy younger brother without becoming snared by useless anger was difficult enough, Ryosuke reminded himself.

_'If Keisuke pushes too far, too fast, things will get worse. Fujiwara's at war with himself. He has to come to terms with having a man as his significant other. He seems low on the bisexual scale. Subtle hints tell me that his father abused and neglected Fujiwara all of his life. His esteem problem means Keisuke's in for a rocky relationship for a while. My otouto has to learn patience to hold onto Fujiwara. I have to do damage control until they settle down whether I want to be involved or not.'_

Ryosuke glanced at Fujiwara again, searching the younger man's expression for signs of acute fatigue as he stopped before him. He hoped Keisuke would recognize his intentions with another flash of controlled irritation.

"Fujiwara, how was the last run? Do you know this course?" Ryosuke asked the younger street racer.

"Yes. I know how to tackle it, Ryosuke-san. The last run went well. The settings are great." Takumi bowed his head. Keisuke sauntered closer, stopping next to Fujiwara.

"Excellent. Call it a night. I don't want you exhausted again. Another accident isn't an option." Ryosuke pointed out for his possessive brother's benefit.

"I know, Ryosuke-san. Uhm, can you tell me anything about the cars we're up against tonight?"

"Keisuke's opponent drives a Ferrari. You'll be facing a Porsche, which has a midship configuration."

"Uhm, I've heard of both cars, but don't know much about them." Fujiwara glanced at Keisuke. Seemed he also understood that Keisuke's jealousy induced fury only flared whenever they spoke too long.

"Sounds like we're up against a couple of spoiled rich kids, Fujiwara. They may have exotic European sports cars, but we've got excellent technique."

Ryosuke frowned. Although he knew better, bringing his younger brother's ego down a notch was prudent. "We'll see, Keisuke. They may prove to have real talent, and the training time needed to hone those talents into genuine skills."

"Che. Most rich kids want to show off super expensive cars, Aniki." Keisuke grumbled as he pulled his cigarette pack from his pocket.

"Funny, I don't recall that being the reason we race, Keisuke." Ryosuke felt his eyebrow twitching.

"That isn't our reason for racing, Aniki." Keisuke growled while searching for his lighter.

Fujiwara watched Keisuke, also frowning as Ryosuke continued, "Our wealth gave us the advantage of training hours, and equipment. Those items made it possible to developed such good techniques."

"I know that. Okay, I opened my mouth too soon. Che." Keisuke conceded with a hard snort.

"If you didn't help me, I couldn't afford the tires, or modifications like the new bonnet on my hachi roku. Maybe if these guys have practiced a lot, and are good, Keisuke-san. At least we can hope." Fujiwara spoke thoughtfully.

"Is there anything else, you two?" Ryosuke changed the subject.

"I'm going to get the team some breakfast. I'm too wound up to sleep. Fujiwara, come with, and I'll tell you all you can expect from the European import you're facing."

Ryosuke hid his amusement at Keisuke's new found errand hobby. He took Fujiwara with him each time. It would have been a transparent ploy except for the established history of Keisuke glaring at his teammate which kept the crew from realizing what was happening beneath their noses.

"Uhm, sure, Keisuke-san." Fujiwara nodded with evident surprise. He still found the changes in Keisuke's behavior hard to grasp, and it showed.

The two men walked to the FD. Ryosuke wondered how long it would take before Fumihiro, Etsuya, or Matsimoto began to piece together the truth. Kenta would not tell them anything Ryosuke knew. However, it was only a matter of time before the three mechanics realized the undercurrents in their drivers' interaction. Once Fujiwara's confusion ended, so would their perfect disguise his knee jerk surprise bestowed on the couple.

Even with Keisuke's orientation being known, the trio had apparently decided he had outgrown that tendency. Ryosuke had fallen into that trap before this odd situation had risen. Fujiwara was not ready to cope with the others noticing his involvement with Keisuke. If the trio realized their teammates' romantic involvement, Fujiwara might withdraw from Keisuke. He could also leave Project D.

Keisuke kept an eye on Fujiwara in the hospital, and demanded he be given the ongoing job when they were at battles. Everyone agreed to give him the task when Keisuke went ballistic in front of Fumihiro and Matsimoto to get his way. The mechanical team believed Keisuke was angry that Fujiwara had gotten into the accident. It had almost cost them their reputation, since offered forfeits were the same as losses. Everyone on Project D's roster assumed Keisuke wanted to prevent future accidents.

In truth, Keisuke was determined to spend every moment with Fujiwara. Cementing a permanent bond with his crush was the only thing on his brother's mind. Keisuke's tenacity and devious wits, coupled with his desire to get Fujiwara alone was creating constant amusement for Ryosuke. All of Keisuke's considerable scheming, and manipulative power were focused on getting Fujiwara falling in love with him.

He hoped the pair would build something lasting of their fragile romance. Keisuke was calmer for the moment. Fujiwara was a good influence for his impulsive, often reckless, and moody sibling. Because Fujiwara was quiet and humble, Keisuke had to think before taking any action that might scare the shyer man away.

Ryosuke admired Fujiwara's proposal from the previous week. His offer to help Keisuke learn more about brake and weight shifting was ingenious. Training together would force Keisuke to focus on his career. Although Fujiwara said it would help him get used to Keisuke's emotional attachment, it reinforced Keisuke's training regiment. Ryosuke hoped their new routine would help his brother get into the professional league.

"Ryosuke-san?" His name pulled him from his mental wanderings again.

Facing his mechanic, Ryosuke asked, "What, Fumihiro?"

"Where did Keisuke-san, and Fujiwara go?"

"To get breakfast. Keisuke said he was still hyped after practice."

"Why did he take Fujiwara with him this time?" Fumihiro asked with hands planted on his hips and a frown beetling his brow.

"He offered to explain the strengths and weaknesses of the Porsche Fujiwara's facing." Ryosuke answered.

Fumihiro looked puzzled. "He took Fujiwara when he picked up breakfast last week too. I wonder, . . . why is Keisuke-san dragging Fujiwara along for meal runs?"

"I think he wants to make certain Fujiwara eats enough. Fujiwara's taking supplements after all." Ryosuke reminded the Hachi Roku mechanic.

"Good point. If Fujiwara likes breakfast, he'll eat more." Fumihiro nodded as he accepted the response.

Ryosuke nodded. "Correct, . . . Anything else?"

"No." The black-haired lead mechanic walked back to the vans and cleaned already pristine tools to pass the time.

Ryosuke felt that the answer was the one Keisuke wanted. It was easy to prevent further accidents, plus relieved any possibility for prying into the two men's new closeness. Time would determine whether they could build a strong relationship, or Fujiwara's strong heterosexual side made it impossible for him to return the love Keisuke offered.


	2. Panic versus Petting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takumi finds himself having trouble figuring out his role inside this new relationship with Keisuke, including his new significant other's amorous side's uncomfortable side effects in himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bolt Italics are Flashbacks, italics are thoughts. I kept the Japanese names for the cars used in the show. FD is a mazda car, AE Hachi Roku is Takumi's Trueno. Some Japanese addresses are included within dialog. Aniki means big brother, Otouto means little brother, and Oyaji means dad which implies 'old man.' These are common addresses in the subtitled original anime so I left them in place for canon continuity purposes.  
> Homophobic behaviors are shared as flashbacks in this chapter.

CHAPTER 2

Kenta led Keisuke and himself to a quiet area away from their parking lot headquarters. Takumi waved his thanks to the small sandy-haired driver who told them to sleep well and turned to leave. The nineteen-year-old dumped his heavy queen sized blanket under the large rock overhang Kenta had found as the other downhill racer trotted up the trail. The spot would provide shade for the majority of the day Takumi noted as he spread the doubled up, thick pad on the ground and hunkered down to tuck it under the rock shelf.

Takumi was grateful for the cool spot that would block most of the midday heat. The AE-Hachi Roku's interior was stifling by ten in the morning. The heat forced him to escape his car, only to bake under tree shade that became unbearable by mid-afternoon. Takumi knew he would rest longer with the cool stone face to hamper the humid heat.

A strong arm wrapped around his waist from behind, making him jump. Takumi found himself pulled against Keisuke’s larger torso. He had agreed to give Keisuke a chance, but now felt uncomfortable. The teen was awed by the man’s personality, and had not considered his own disposition when he agreed to date Keisuke.Takumi could not shake the emotional conflict Keisuke’s gender was causing him.

“Uhm, Keisuke-san?” Takumi felt the tall blond’s lips connect with his nape in a soft caress.

“There’s nobody here so you can drop the san, Takumi.” One of Keisuke’s hands shifted up under his shirt. The teen felt edgy about the blond’s demonstrations of affection. He sincerely liked Keisuke, yet was concerned about their new physical contact. Keisuke’s touch sent erotic signals through his body that Takumi feared. To learn that Keisuke could arouse him was an unpleasant shock because it was another man affecting him so much. Confusion over what to expect if he responded began to plague the teen.

“Aren’t we here to rest? We have a battle this evening.” Takumi tried to foil Keisuke’s advances. Keisuke’s answer was another kiss on his nape as his hot breath fanned Takumi’s skin. Warmth arced from Keisuke’s lips to ripple down his spine.

“Keisuke, we should rest for the battles this evening.” Takumi repeated when Keisuke did not answer.

‘ _You show me so much affection that it blows my mind. Every time you kiss me, I want more of your attention. Why do I crave your touch? Why is it wrong for two men to fall in love? Why does part of me desperately want this connection? Is there anything I can do to keep from losing me if we stay together? If I continue to follow your lead, will I lose all of my strength in the process? Will I lose everything I stand for?’_

Everything he believed before Keisuke Takahashi devastated his perceptions, was a core dilemma that shook Takumi to the foundations of his being. The elements Takumi identified as his own core values seemed to be slipping away. Memory resurrected long forgotten scenes, adding fuel to Takumi’s internal struggle.

‘ _ **Oyaji slammed him against a wall. “Don’t ever hug another boy! Do you want to be confused with a fag, Takumi?”**_

**_He had not known it was wrong to hug Itsuke when he was hurt. His third grade teacher hugged everyone that skinned a knee. Why was it wrong for him to hug Itsuke? Takumi shook his head. He did not know what Oyaji meant, but knew it must be very bad. Oyaji’s massive arm had pinned him to the wall so he could not breathe. Fear rose like bile to clog his throat. Takumi knew Oyaji was trying to think past the sake induced fog for what punishment to give him. He refused to cry because tears would only make Oyaji angrier.’_ **

Another memory added to Takumi’s unease _._

‘ ** _Hate filled conversations dominated the classroom. Takumi was uncertain who said what as snatches of conversation washed over him. “Can you believe the nerve of those two?” Another person growled, “They were making out on the roof. I can’t believe we had guys like that in our school.” A female student spoke out from a few seats away. “That’s so gross.”_**

“ _ **Good riddance to bad people, right Tak?” Itsuke poked him in the ribs to get his attention.**_

“ _ **What, Itsuke?”**_

“ _ **Those fags that were caught making out on the roof. Geeze, Tak, pay attention.”**_

“ _ **Is the punishment any different for them than for straight couples who do the same thing?”**_

_**A male classmate explained, “Duh, Fujiwara-kun. Of course the punishment’s different. Gays are sick. They get expelled, and it goes on their permanent transcript so other schools know they’re sick. They might infect others unless they’re watched and stopped.”** _

_**Takumi looked out the window at the two young men being escorted off the school grounds. Takumi recognized the**_ _ **ir school's**_ _ **star tennis player passing through the front gate. Takumi frowned.**_ _**‘Why’s the punishment different?’ Anger rose from the pit of his stomach.**_ _**‘They shouldn’t have been making out in public, but if they’re getting expelled over public displays, why doesn’t our school expel straight couples for the same thing? That’s not fair. I don’t really know those two, but I have heard about the tennis player’s rep. He’s not sick that I can tell. I’ve seen him around the campus. He’s always helping people, and he’s an honor role student. What’s so sick about him? I wonder whether or not you can catch gay?! If we can catch it, why don’t more of us have it? We**_ _ **'ve**_ _ **all use**_ _ **d**_ _ **the same locker rooms that he has**_ _ **for as long as we've had PE classes**_ _ **.’ Takumi frowned as he held his tongue.’**_

The past had nothing to do with the reality of being this close to Keisuke Takahashi as Takumi’s conscience also reminded him.

‘ _ **Heat darted into Takumi’s groin. Mogi’s smiling face morphed into Keisuke Takahashi’s fierce expression. Cerulean eyes filled his mind as his pulse revved triple time. Takumi’s lips remembered the unexpected kiss. When did their lips come together, much less part? Why had Keisuke kissed him? Takumi’s eyes flew open as he sat up, breathing hard. He was in bed as his eyes moved around his bedroom to verify that Keisuke Takahashi was not there. His strong physical reaction to the dream embarrassed him. Takumi groaned as his erect member demanded attention. He flopped onto his back. “What’s wrong with me?” Takumi whispered to the darkened room.’**_

Takumi could not squash the memory of the first erotic dream he’d had on the night after Keisuke demanded that he join Project D, and become a professional driver.

Another series of light kisses to his neck preceded a cajoling tone. “We can sleep in a little while. I just need to hold you for a little bit because I’ve missed you, Takumi.” Keisuke’s whispered words combined with the way his skin felt as Keisuke’s fingers tickled along his ribs under his shirt. Takumi’s body responded by getting much hotter to the combination of mental and physical stimulation.

‘ _I didn't know I’d never had real affection before you kissed me. Why did you show me what I had missed? I didn’t care about anything until you pushed me to want something more from my life, Keisuke-san.’_

“I promised Ryosuke-san that I would help you, . . . stay focused, . . . when we’re at battles. You have to make it into the professional racing circuit, Keisuke-s . . .”

Another kiss was delivered as Keisuke explored his neck’s pulse point. “We’ll rest plenty, . . . ,” a light nip at his shoulder caught Takumi’s t-shirt in a suggestive tug. Keisuke’s tongue and hot breath slid along the shell of his ear as his moved his head again. A moment later Keisuke breathed in his ear, “before tonight’s battles.”

Keisuke’s sultry tone and actions caused Takumi’s awakening member to pulse in agreement with what was happening. His body’s brazen answer was all the uncomfortable proof required to force Takumi to accept that he wanted the man holding him. Those persuasive lips against his nape, between velvety toned, seduction filled words turned him on. Keisuke’s offered warmth sidetracked too many of his reservations about their circumstances. The teen shivered as he felt the hot, hard press of his seducer’s erection against his butt. One of Keisuke’s hands slid from his ribs to fondle the front of Takumi’s pants.

“K, K, K, . . . Keisuke?!” Takumi was shocked that he liked the feel of his half hard member being caressed by his new beau’s hand. The teen grabbed Keisuke’s hand and removed it from his swelling length as he fought to breathe normally. He trapped the blond’s hand at his stomach level to maintain control over the situation.

‘ _Keisuke’s love is genuine and I know it. Fear of losing me made Keisuke risk his life, and damage his FD to protect me a month ago. Love made him stay with me at the hospital too. My accident made Keisuke accept that he loves me. The way I feel when I’m with Keisuke is so intense. But, how do I get past feeling like I’m doing something wrong every time he touches me? I like the way I feel, and it freaks me out. Keisuke’s lips are so focused and powerful that I have to accept that he loves me. I had no idea that kisses could be so full of emotion before he showed me. Whenever he kisses me, I lose more of what I knew about myself. Everything Keisuke makes me feel is intense enough that I’m starting to get a bit girly around him.’_

Takumi first noticed the problem two days after they began seeing each other. His discovered hangup seemed to be due to Keisuke’s natural aggressiveness, and virile, purely male attitudes. He had no idea how to react in this relationship because Keisuke’s personality was so potent he felt pressured into a submissive feminine role. A few kisses, or being held, and his masculine pride stung over his meek compliance with the blond’s every whim. Takumi realized Keisuke was not trying to dominate him, yet his own reactions were causing him serious grief.

“Keisuke, you said you’d give me time to get used to us seeing each other when I started trying to teach you the water trick.”

Keisuke snorted. “True. But I can tell that you’re enjoying this. Why deny that you want me, Takumi?”

“I’m not denying anything, Keisuke. But, I can’t get my mind to focus on anything else, including battles, . . . when you make me, . . . , feel like this.” Takumi removed the impulse to say anything about feeling controlled.

“Hm, is that so? I like knowing I can turn you on enough that you don’t want to think about anything else.” The breathy words against his ear sent a shiver down Takumi’s arms.

“It’s a lot harder to fall asleep when I can’t stop, . . . , squirming because, . . . you know!” Takumi’s frustration came out as a grumble. He felt how hot his face had gone as he realized how much deeper, and raspy his voice had gotten. A masculine chuckle greeted his ears, and sent another reactive quiver along Takumi’s spine.

“I’m living for every chance I can get to turn you on enough to make you squirm. Now that we’re together, I can finally hold you the way I’ve wanted to for almost a year, Takumi.” Takumi turned inside Keisuke’s loose hold to tell him to slow down.

The wheat-haired man’s lips captured his before Takumi could speak. His fingers found their way into Keisuke’s hair as the blond’s mouth side swiped his unease with a heady dose of raw, heartfelt love.

Keisuke taunted him with seductive tones, “You know I really like that expression. It makes me want to eat you.” His sexy grin, along with the promise that his voice held almost made Takumi forget for a moment what they were both men. Only his very masculine pride’s quick flare of resentment kept his hormones in check. He pulled back to get space between them.

‘ _Another assault like that one will make it impossible to calm down,’_ Takumi thought as his body began to ache.

“You’re being mean. Takumi-kun, all I want is to hold you, so why are you running away?”

Takumi nearly stopped breathing as Keisuke’s voice implied that he was serious about seducing him. “Keisuke, I’m not running. Remember, we have a battle tonight. We need to calm down.”

“That’s what happens when you really want someone, Takumi. I know very well that you have a hard-on.” Keisuke crowded closer. Takumi swallowed hard, backing into the granite wall. “Want me to take care of it for you?”

The blond’s purred offer conjured ideas that Takumi’s body responded to with an even stronger ache in his groin. The teen found himself wishing the cold granite at his back was an icy shower to calm the fires Keisuke was creating in him. Takumi knew that sleeping before the heat index peaked was impossible. He was becoming aware of this very strong, new found weakness for contact he had not known existed. It was impossible to hold his ground with the man who taunted him into make out sessions. The needy parts of Takumi’s psych hoped Keisuke would ignore his knee-jerk withdrawal.

The part of himself that could not yet accept that he was with another man gibbered to get his attention. _‘I’m not cut out to be with another guy. It feels creepy when my knees wobble like this. I can’t let him turn me into a puddle of goo like he does every time he gets his hands on me. Keisuke’s changing who I am in ways I’m not sure I want to be changed. I made a promise to Ryosuke-san to keep my new, . . . boy, . . . fr, . . .frie, . . . nd on track toward his goal of becoming a professional racer too. I have to make him listen to me.’_

“Don’t go there, Keisuke. I have to rest so I can drive this evening, or your brother will forfeit my battle this evening. I don’t want to ruin Project D’s reputation.”

A throaty chuckle escaped Keisuke’s lips as he taunted, “Thinking about what we could be doing instead of sleeping, Takumi-kun? I’ll make sure you sleep real well if you’ll let me.”

Takumi flushed to his toes. “You’re being evil, Keisuke. We need to stay focused on tonight. We haven’t been seeing each other very long either. It’s a little early to be getting so intense.”

“I just want some time with you, Takumi. What’s wrong with that?”

“Nothing’s wrong with that. But, you’ve got me too horny to focus on anything but what’s happening with you right now!” Takumi slapped a hand over his mouth as what he said registered. The youth groaned in the early morning air as he waited to see what Keisuke would do.

‘ _How do I stop worrying about Keisuke’s expectations in this kind of situation? Keisuke’s influence keeps getting stronger. I’m already fumbling for a grip on who I am. But, part of me likes this feeling, even if I’m confused about what’s going to happen. I need this feeling that Keisuke wants me. But, I can’t handle feeling like this either, damn it!’_

Takumi had already realized that men could please each other through mutual masturbation. He had an idea of how men made love based on a yaoi image he’d seen when a girl classmate tripped on a stair while reading on her way to class. Takumi had prevented her tumble down the stairs, but had seen the very explicit page she was looking at once he caught her arm. His crotch was quick to urge him to find out how it would feel to be with Keisuke in that way.

Takumi’s brain, and prickly masculine pride hoped his feisty seducer would back off. Being pushed into a girl’s role was more than he could accept at the moment, and his own masculine disposition rebelled at being too submissive. Emotional turmoil dropped Takumi’s libido a few degrees as his own masculinity made him wonder if Keisuke would try to dominate in their relationship in all ways. The thought of being pushed into playing the girl’s role helped to cool his ardor.

Keisuke pulled Takumi’s hand away from his face as his bigger frame molded to his. The blond kissed his forehead and ran a long finger along his cheek and down to his chin. “When you get embarrassed, you’re so damned sexy. And, for your information, I’m very glad you’re only thinking about me right now, Takumi.”

“But, we have battles tonight. I can’t explain to Ryosuke-san that I lost mine, or he has to forfeit because we, . . . ah, . . .” embarrassment locked Takumi’s throat.

Keisuke whispered in his ear, “I can’t help wanting you. You tell me to go to sleep and focus on tonight, but every reaction you're showing me tells me that you want me as much as I want you, Takumi.”

Takumi’s eyes widened. He found it impossible to move as imagination conjured scenes of being intimate with Keisuke. Takumi shivered as his body reacted to the way Keisuke enticed him with words and actions. The image he had seen in that girl’s manga book flashed into his mind as his groin pulsed with consent. His panicked mind urged him to back away once more.

‘ _Damn it. Keisuke wants to pull me deeper into this and I’m clueless. I’ve never followed anyone’s lead this much. I seem to follow Keisuke in everything he wants. Shit! I don’t even know how to make a gay relationship work. What am I doing?’_

Keisuke was important enough that making serious mistakes wasn’t an option. Takumi looked into Keisuke’s intense blue eyes. “Keisuke, your expectations are more than I know how to handle right now. I need some kind of . . . how to manual, . . . or something, . . . to tell me . . . what I’m supposed to do. Why did you have to prove to me that I need you in my life?”

“I need you, Takumi, so I had to prove that you can need me too.” Keisuke tapped his nose with a gentle smile. His velvet tinged voice dropped to a deeper register as he pinned Takumi to the rock wall with his closeness. “As to what to expect in our relationship, It’s the same rule book for all kinds of couples more or less, Takumi.”

“Uhm, I, . . . that’s not what I mean . . . I’m not sure how I’m supposed to be, . . . since we’re both, . . . m, m, men.” Heaving a sigh, Takumi continued, “When Mogi started talking to me, she’d ask me to hang out with her like we did when we were in the same club. I always knew that I was supposed to drive and buy the gasoline for the trip. I was supposed to pick up the drinks we needed. When Mogi wanted to go to lake Akina, or the beach, she always brought a big box lunch for a picnic. If she wanted to go to a burger stand, I knew it was my job to pay for her meal. You know?”

Keisuke snickered as he looked down at him. “Takumi, whatever you feel comfortable with is fine. Being my boyfriend isn’t as troublesome as you think it is. I’m willing to be flexible. I know that Teru always splits the bill with his boyfriend. They each pay for their own meals, or movie tickets because that’s what’s comfortable for them. Gingo, and Tohji both tend to use a switch out on who treats who system with their lovers. Ryota goes with the moment. The person that wants to treat their partner does, and it’s no big deal. Tell me what you feel comfortable doing.”

“I didn’t know you knew so many people in our situation.” Takumi's surprise laced his voice.

“I told you that I have a pretty good idea of what I'm getting myself into when I finally stopped fighting myself over loving you. There are a couple others in same gender relationships I’m acquainted with through Akimoto and Tohji too. Did you really think I only had those two to get information about same sex couples from?”

Takumi dipped his head feeling how hot his face had gone. “Uhm, well, . . . I, . . . I, uhm, . . . sort of.” Some of his current fears and doubts were linked to the idea that Keisuke’s information came only from Akimoto and Tohji. Neither man lived a very stable lifestyle in Takumi’s opinion. Both cheated on their lover, so Takumi had felt a need to rebel against anything they told Keisuke.

Keisuke seemed to understand that he was on the verge of panic as he changed subjects.“I remember the first time I saw you, Takumi. I got pissed that an adorable, spaced-out looking kid toasted my winning streak, and then drove off without so much as a goodbye after he crossed the finish line.”

Takumi relaxed. “Is that why you were always so mad at me, Keisuke?”

“Nope.”

“But, I honestly thought you hated me until I got into the wreck.”

“I thought you made late entrances on purpose, so I’d never get the chance to talk to you, Takumi.”

“Oyaji always got home at the last minute. I had to book it so I could make it in time for almost every battle I got conned into last year.”

“I was way off about why you were always late.” Keisuke chuckled softly as he grabbed Takumi’s waist again.

Takumi relaxed against Keisuke’s broader chest since he appeared to have calmed. “Um, I was glad to see you when I had battles. But, I thought I’d never become a friend of yours . . . much less, . . . something like this.” Takumi’s face burned as he spoke.

Keisuke chuckled. “I think I fell in love with you the night I demanded that you face Nakazato, even though you said you weren’t a street racer.”

“What?” Takumi lifted his eyes to stare into Keisuke’s.

“I was blown away when you said you had nothing to prove, so why bother showing up when you hadn’t accepted his challenge. I couldn’t understand what made you say that.” Keisuke caressed his cheek.

“Battles are fun now, but that doesn’t mean I’m a great person if I win them.”

“Fair enough. But, you told me you hated to drive that night. I thought you had to be jerking me around, Takumi.”

“After five years of doing the same exact thing every morning, I was pretty sick of driving Akina’s course to make deliveries.” Takumi frowned up at his partner’s face. “Why did you lecture me about a racer’s pride if you thought I was lying to you?”

“It was the only way I’d get another chance to check out your cute ass.” Keisuke gave him a leer as a hand slid across Takumi’s hip and pulled him flush against Keisuke's larger body. The blond slipped a hand into Takumi’s back pocket and groped his butt. Takumi’s arms were pinned by his partner’s embrace, and his back trapped by solid stone. Squirming to break Keisuke’s hold would make his wanton embarrassment even worse.

“I wanted to be around you too, Keisuke-san. But, you and Ryosuke-san are way out of my league.”

“No I’m not, so quit saying that. And, drop the san already, Takumi.” Keisuke gave his forehead a light thump as he reprimanded him.

Takumi flinched. “Sorry. I forgot, Keisuke. You really don’t get it, do you?”

“Get what?” Keisuke's head tilted, interest piqued.

“To me, you have such incredible dreams, and the focus to get what you want. You know how to reach your goals. That’s why you’re so far above me at times.”

Keisuke’s nostrils flared as he glared down his nose. “You have pretty awesome focus when you want to use it, Takumi. That’s all anyone needs to make their dreams come true.”

“But, I've never made any goals because I didn’t know how to reach for a dream until you pushed me to try having one, Keisuke.”

“Stop tearing yourself down, Takumi. Sometimes I worry that you’re going to leave me behind because of how fast you improve. When I saw you pass oncoming traffic without missing a beat during your duct tape death match, I knew you were going to be a professional circuit driver. I honestly wondered if you had gotten the tape off.” Keisuke tightened his hold on Takumi’s hips which rubbed their pelvises together. Takumi felt the hot bulge in Keisuke’s pants slide against his own length. Keisuke’s lips descended and derailed his thoughts with another kiss.

After Keisuke let him up for air Takumi tried to explain his misgivings again. “I. . . I give my, . . . best effort. I don’t always, . . . understand what you . . . and Ryosuke-san talk about. . . I feel . . . like . . . a fool, . . . around both of you sometimes.”

Keisuke’s voice was firm. “You aren’t stupid, Fujiwara. Knock it off.”

“But, I’ve learned so much, . . . from you both. I don’t see how you could think, . . . I’m equal to you.” Takumi found it harder to breathe as he tried to explain his fears without causing problems. His ability to converse was fast dissolving as anxiety and lust warred for dominance within his brain.

“You’ve got solid driving techniques. That’s good enough for Aniki and me, Takumi.”

“I didn’t even know the difference, . . . between a carburetor . . . and an . . . injector, . . . until someone told me. Akiyama Wataru told me I had a racing engine in the Hachi Roku so I needed a new tachometer to stop losing so much power every time I shifted gears. I thought there was something wrong with the engine Oyaji got before Wataru explained what was wrong.”

“Che. Takumi, you found out your weakness. You're learning the mechanical side of racing since you joined Project D. That doesn’t count against you anymore, so you need to accept that I know that you’re awesome just the way you are.”

Keisuke caught his lower lip between his teeth and alternated the caress to shift to his upper lip in quick succession. Probably to silence him. Keisuke’s tongue slid across his teeth as he probed for entry to Takumi’s mouth. Keisuke’s kiss was more persuasive than any other thing he could do to get his way. Takumi felt Keisuke’s earnest affection as their lips overlapped. Takumi’s teeth parted and Keisuke took control with devastating results. The blond’s tongue plundered the inside of his mouth as his emotional hunger for connection poured from him and into Takumi. Shock waves of awareness flashed through his body as Keisuke’s unspoken demand for him to yield to the moment got stronger. Another mental alarm clanged as his knees threatened to buckle.

He pulled his head back, and away from Keisuke even though he felt lost as he pushed against the larger man’s chest.“I have to stop, Keisuke. I can’t , . . .” Takumi whispered as he tried to get air into his lungs.

Takumi’s body trembled as fear, and passion skittered through him in alternating waves. He was in a no win situation of his own design. He was on the verge of becoming addicted to the security that Keisuke projected whenever they were together. His body and soul craved Keisuke’s genuine love, and touch. Still, Takumi's mind screamed that everything about this situation was wrong. Takumi was also very confused because he found himself following the forceful blond’s lead more than was comfortable.

“Takumi, I’m pushing too far, too fast, aren’t I?” Keisuke asked with a quirked eye brow. Takumi took a shaky breath, finding it difficult to do more than nod. “Easy, Takumi. I’ll back off.” Keisuke let him go and stepped back.

“I'm sorry. I’m not trying, . . . to be, . . . a, a pain. . . . It’s just,. . .” Takumi ran a hand through his hair as he took a deep breath with closed eyes.

“Whoa, Takumi. It’s okay. I know you’re trying to get used to me. I, . . . I’m getting impatient. Try not to get too pissed at me. okay?”

“I’m not mad. I’m just, . . . just not . . . I can’t, . . . deal with . . . things between us . . . getting . . . so intense, . . . yet, Keisuke.” Takumi hung his head. “I’m still so damned confused about everything that’s happened between us. I'm sorry.” The last came out as a strained whisper.Takumi’s guilt meter jumped as his thoughts slapped him.

‘ _I wouldn’t feel like this if you hadn’t kissed me, and turned my life upside down! I can’t stop panicking because I’m not sure who I’m becoming, but the minute I pull back I hate myself. I seriously can’t handle this kind of r, re, relat . . . tion . . . ship with Keisuke.’_

Keisuke answered, “Takumi, I said I’d wait for you to get used to us being together, but I’m backing you into corners without meaning to. You’re everything to me. I tend to forget that you have to get used to being the love of my life.”

“But, I said . . . I’d give you . . . an honest chance.”

“Che. This isn’t your fault, Takumi. It’s harder than I realized it would be to keep my hands off you once you said you’d see me. You had no idea you could even like another man until three weeks ago. I’m used to being turned on by other men, so I kind of ignored that fact whenever you responded.”

Takumi collapsed onto his oversized blanket, wrapping his arms around his legs while scooting against the wall. He felt like he was wrong to panic. He had no idea how to fix things as he dropped his head onto his knees. “I’ll work harder to get comfortable, Keisuke. Please be patient with me.”

Keisuke hunkered down in front of him, gripping Takumi's chin to ensure eye contact. “I’ll try to remember to keep my hands to myself. At least until you get comfortable wanting me as much as I want you. I know you need time to adjust to being involved with me. If you need space, don't be afraid to ask for it.”

Takumi pulled free, and caught his hair in a fist. Irritation with himself mounted. “Keisuke, I don’t think, . . . space, . . . will help me adjust, . . . It’s like, . . . I need to have you, . . . around me. I guess I need, . . . to get to know you. I didn’t think that it would be so hard. . . . I, . . . I don’t know, . . . how to get, . . . comfortable, . . with this. My head, . . . starts d, d, demanding to know, . . . how things will turn out. . . I guess I don’t know, . . . you very well, . . . or something, . . . Does that make any sense?”

Keisuke sat next to him and leaned against the granite wall. “It makes perfect sense when you want something that’s going to be permanent. Don’t worry. When I get pushy, it’s fine to tell me to slow down, Takumi.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takumi's trying to come to terms with his new status with Keisuke. Kenta gives him a piece of much needed advice before his race begins. Keisuke's jealousy flares to make things even tenser for Takumi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to a reader who pointed out that USA and Japan do not have the same upgrade options for vehicles. Did some research because I thought that the modification I added was far more common. Learned otherwise, so I'm doing a face palm over here. Apologies for the mix up. I did fix this chapter's incorrect modification on the hachi roku. Sorry for the mistake.

CHAPTER 3

Takumi Fujiwara stood next to his hachi roku stifling yawns. Sexual tension had made sleep impossible as his groin demanded attention he had not dared give it with Keisuke so near. He was glad Ryosuke Takahashi was at the bottom of the mountain focused on Keisuke's battle. If his mentor had witnessed his frequent yawns, Takumi would have gotten a lecture. Worse, he might have heard Ryosuke-san declare his battle a forfeit for his own safety.

Looking over the somewhat teardrop-shaped car he would race, Takumi did his best to ignore the driver. The woman driving the Porsche was petite, wearing a suede leather skirt with shoulder length hair. She was pretty enough to warrant undivided attention, but Takumi felt stabs of guilt every time she tried to make eye contact. Her friends, and well wishers surrounded her. Still, she watched him as if they did not exist.

The opposing team had decided to run the uphill first, so Takumi had nothing to do outside of learning more about his car's mechanical settings. The teen hoped he could stay alert as he waited for his battle to start. He sipped on a can of coffee that Kenta had pushed into his hands, and tried to concentrate on Matsimoto's latest lesson. Takumi sought to disregard his female opponent's stares as Matsimoto explained each step in the process. Matsimoto asked him questions to make certain he had the information memorized. So far, Takumi had managed to answer correctly each time.

The hachi roku's engine was running to warm up so Matsimoto could check the oil pressure. His mechanic also insured there were no overlooked leaks. Takumi stood next to his busy mechanic watching everything Matsimoto did as he sought to learn everything about racing. The dark-haired man double checked various bolts and fluid caps to make sure they were tight enough to prevent any fluid losses when the battle pushed his new racing engine to its maximum potential. Still, Takumi felt the nape hairs on his neck lifting because he was being watched.

The woman's pointed glances in his direction invited Takumi to talk with her. However, Takumi found that he was comparing her softer come hither glances against Keisuke's open, lust drenched stare. His new partner's gaze was anything but soft and calculated. His teammate's glance was so brazen that Takumi blushed to his toes whenever he received a perusal. He turned away from the girl's coquettish antics to focus on Matsimoto's activities. Kenta stopped beside him, which helped block the woman's view.

"Think Keisuke san's battle will start soon, Kenta?" Takumi asked to keep the other man in place.

"Once the radio checks are complete, we're all green." Takumi felt that his female opponent was still checking him out even with his back to her.

"Don't let her embarrass you, Fujiwara." Kenta's voice drew his attention to the other driver.

"She's probably wondering whether I'll be a challenge or not." Takumi brushed off Kenta's observation.

"Bull. Not looking at you that way, she isn't. She obviously wants a date." Matsimoto grinned as he added his own tease to the conversation.

"It doesn't matter if she does. I'm with someone already." Takumi stalked toward his driver side door to avoid giving any explanations. Kenta followed him to the side of his car as he grabbed his door handle.

The sandy-haired driver spoke softly next to his shoulder. "I'm glad you decided to give Keisuke-san a chance."

Takumi jerked back at the unexpected remark. "Uhm, Kenta, where did you get that idea? Did someone say that to you?"

"No. I noticed you're having trouble around Keisuke san because you're feeling guilty about dating him. You were told it's wrong to be with another guy, so you're on edge. Getting caught is a scary prospect." Kenta answered in a very soft voice.

The hachi roku's hood dropped into place as Matsimoto finished the check. "You're set to go, Fujiwara."

Takumi looked at the older man and gave a nod. "Thanks, Matsimoto san." Turning back to Kenta, he demanded in a very soft voice, "What makes you say that, Kenta?"

"You're reactions when you're around him. You like Keisuke-san, but feel weird about being with him. You're wondering about a lot of things, especially how much trouble you'll get into if anyone figures it out."

"Am I, . . . th, . . th . . . that obvious?" Takumi winced. Fear that their other crew members had noticed their relationship flashed through him. Matsimoto was putting tools back into a chest in the back of van two so Takumi knew he was too far away to overhear their quiet conversation.

"It's not blatant, or anything like that. You aren't going to tip anyone off who isn't already aware of your situation, Fujiwara. I know you feel strange about things because I've been in your shoes."

"I wonder if I'm wrong to try this. I mean, we're both men. I worried Keisuke san's going to change me into someone I'm not. This is wrong is running through my head like a broken record." Takumi cringed as he admitted his uneasy feelings.

"I remember feeling the same way. But, none of that changes the fact that you like being with Keisuke-san, does it?"

Takumi sighed and shook his head. "It still feels like I'm doing something wrong, or going to lose who I am because I agreed to try this, Kenta."

With a smirk, Kenta responded. "That's normal, Fujiwara."

Takumi muttered under his breath, "There's nothing normal about me anymore."

Kenta nodded. "Not true. Look, I remember when I got involved with a third year during my first year in high school. I felt horrible about being attracted to Sugisaki, and guilty about the situation. So, I can relate to how you're feeling, Fujiwara. I was scared that he'd turn me into someone I wasn't if I was with him, the same as you with Keisuke-san."

Takumi felt his hackles rising. He also felt a sudden surge of hope that Kenta would share much needed answers. "Can I ask how you got past it? The feeling like you were wrong . . . I mean. . . I can't get this one memory to shut up. All my classmates were saying gays were sick and worse during my first year when a couple got expelled. I keep hearing that in my head whenever I'm around him."

The sandy haired driver shrugged. "I had to accept that I liked Sugisaki enough to be with him despite the horrible things everyone said. Most people believe really insane stuff about homosexuals. It's not a disease, but some people believe it's contagious. Once I realized he was more important than the opinions of others, it got a lot easier."

"So, you had to lose your friends to make things work with your partner, Kenta?" Takumi felt his guts churn as dread rose.

"Not really. I did lose a few friends because of dating Sugisaki, but I made other friends who don't think we're sick, Fujiwara. Keisuke san's one of those friends. At first I didn't now Sugisaki was willing to change to keep me, so I was afraid I'd do all the changing to make things work. It was hard to deal with because there are things I like about myself. I thought I would lose those qualities. But, I didn't lose anything about myself once I realized that he was changing to compromise with me to fit my needs too. It got easier to be okay with my feelings toward him once I understood he wanted us to work out. Plus, I learned that I wasn't losing myself because of loving him. Once I made the changes I had to make so we would last, the guilt and fear faded away. I don't regret anything I've changed about myself. We've gotten through a lot of tough problems because we work together, and help each other get through everything as a team."

Takumi heard the screech of tires. He swiveled his head to listen.

"Sounds like they're under way." Kenta murmured after several moments of silence.

"Yeah. I should get ready for my run. Thanks for telling me about your situation, Kenta. It helps to know I'm not crazy after all." He opened his door and moved to settle inside the hachi roku.

"Fujiwara?" Kenta's voice had him turning back to look at his teammate.

"What?"

"Whenever you need someone to talk to, I'm here. It helps when you have friends in your corner. And, I know how often Sugisaki's personality used to overwhelm me when we started dating. Keisuke san's personality is a lot more intense than Sugisaki's. It's probably difficult to talk about your thoughts at times, since Keisuke san's so assertive. Please talk to me whenever you get confused, Fujiwara. I really want you and Keisuke-san to be happy together."

"Thanks, Kenta. I'll think about it." Takumi agreed with a nod.

“Good luck." Kenta flashed a smile, and walked toward the finish line where Matsimoto stood.

Takumi put a foot into the hachi roku as he felt a tingle between his shoulder blades. He turned part way back to see his female opponent still watching him. The downhill specialist again shrugged off the woman's visual come on as the product of his over active imagination, and got into the hachi roku. He left his door open while he waited for Ryosuke to give him the signal to go to the starting line.

Keisuke's yellow FD pulled into the lot a minute later, and rolled to a stop next to his car. The blond's grin told him that Keisuke had won his match even without having witnessed the outcome. Keisuke sauntered over with hands stuffed into his pants pockets. The blond ducked his head into his doorway. "How you holding up, Takumi?"

"I'm fine, just a little droopy when I've got nothing to focus on. I know you won by the smirk on your face, Keisuke-san."

"That guy has a total lack of talent. He's wasted on an expensive performance machine." Keisuke looked around the lot and his eyes settled on the woman who stood by the Porsche. Takumi revved his engine a couple times as Keisuke sized up his opponent.

"That's too bad. I know you wanted a challenge." He double checked his gauges as he spoke.

A deep growl left Keisuke's chest as he demanded in a soft voice, "How long has that broad been staring at you?"

"Huh?" Takumi's head jerked up to see Keisuke's scowling mug.

His eyes were impaled by Keisuke's angry stare. "How long has that stupid woman with the Porsche been ogling you, Takumi?"

"I don't know. She looked over a few times, but I didn't think anything of it." Takumi shrugged with an open-handed gesture.

"Che. Stupid bitch needs to look elsewhere. You're already taken." Substantial irritation made Keisuke's voice gravely.

"Keisuke-san, Going over the engine pre-check with Matsimoto, and the course in my mind has kept me busy. I didn't notice anything wrong with my opponent. I assumed she's wondering if I'll be a strong opponent."

"You can be so damned dense sometimes. But, I still love you. Wonder what she'd do if I kissed you right now? Want to find out?" Keisuke gave him an evil grin.

Heat flashing through his body was settling in his face and ears. Takumi hissed back at the man crouched inside his door. "What the hell are you thinking, Keisuke?"

"I hate it when someone else ogles my man. That's my job." The easy quip made Takumi give him a stern glance.

The teen sighed and shook his head as he sought to deflect Keisuke's temper. "I didn't really notice, so why are you so angry?"

Van one pulled into the lot and Ryosuke got out. Once he was satisfied with his laptop's arrangement, he walked over to speak with them. "Good work, Keisuke. You broke the course record by seven seconds."

"Thanks, Aniki. I left that guy way behind. I was on my way back to the lot before he crossed the finish line."

Ryosuke nodded, and turned his attention to Takumi. "Ready to go, Fujiwara?"

"Yes, Ryosuke-san." Takumi nodded.

"Considering Keisuke's competition, your opponent may not have a good grasp on the best lines for this course. Keep that in mind. Be cautious before you assume that she can only use her car's potential efficiently on the straight sections. She might be more proficient than her brother. Her abilities should be obvious within a few corners. If she's a mediocre driver, the last down slope of this course is her only chance to beat you. Her car's greater horsepower, and stability could allow her to make a comeback. If you get in front, and outdistance her enough on the low and mid-speed corners, she won't be able to overtake you on the final short straightway."

"I understand, Ryosuke-san."

"Hello?" The nasal twang of a female voice caught all three men's attention. Keisuke stood as Takumi exited his car, and stood next to his partner. Ryosuke turned to face their next opponent as well.

"Is it time for our battle?" The woman in leather asked in a timid voice with lowered eyes. The demure look after her previous stare irritated Takumi for some undefined reason.

"Whenever you're ready." Takumi answered in a neutral tone.

"I'm Matsushita Yoshiko. I'm pleased to meet you." The woman bowed as she addressed him.

"Fujiwara Takumi. Good luck in the battle tonight." She looked surprised at his offer of luck. Takumi felt she would need it if she was as incompetent as her brother.

Matsushita-san smiled with pleasure. "Thanks. Perhaps after our race, you'll sit with me and talk. I've never met anyone with a team like your's before."

"Fujiwara has a long drive home." Keisuke's tone held displeasure Takumi noticed as he interrupted the woman.

"Hm, is that so?" The woman gave him a pointed look. Takumi nodded in agreement.

"I see. Perhaps another time then?"

"He's already taken if you're trying to get a date, woman." Keisuke snapped as his arms crossed over his chest.

She looked between the two of them and paled. "Oh, I apologize for being rude." Takumi wondered if she had pieced their relationship together. Keisuke's attitude made it hard to ignore things best left unspoken.

Takumi rubbed the back of his head. "Uhm, well, you didn't know I was seeing someone, so I hope there's no hard feelings. Sorry about my teammate's temper. Keisuke-san gets a little protective of his teammates at these battles."

Matsushita shook her head that there weren't any hard feelings. Ryosuke came to his rescue as he rebuked his younger brother.

"Keisuke, Even if Fujiwara doesn't talk much, you haven't got the right to step in and take over his conversation. Fujiwara isn't the type of person to cheat on his sweetheart. You're way out of line to insinuate he would, even by accident."

"Thanks, Ryosuke-san, for understanding that it never crossed my mind to cheat on the person I'm dating now. My ex-girlfriend did that to me, so I know how it feels to get burned." Takumi gave Keisuke a much harsher rebuke than his brother.

"Oh, well again, so sorry for the misunderstanding. I hope you're very happy with your new girlfriend." Matsushita turned and walked to her car with a brisk stride as Keisuke's teeth popped audibly over being called a girl. Takumi felt bad for the young woman as she got into her car and started her engine. She pulled toward the starting line without an engine warm up to escape the tense scene.

"Sorry, but she really pissed me off. She had a lot of nerve trying to pick you up with me standing here, Fujiwara."

"She didn't know anything. I guess you and Matsimoto san were right. I would have turned her down if you hadn't jumped into the conversation. You almost announced I'm with you. Stop being so territorial, Keisuke-san. This relationship is our business only." Takumi kept his voice quiet, but his tone held bite as the heated words flew off his tongue.

Ryosuke rubbed his forehead. "Fujiwara's right. Refrain from making future scenes. I don't need the headaches that your jealousy causes, Otouto. Fujiwara can tell anyone who asks him for a date that he's already taken without you butting in, Keisuke. Fujiwara, get to the starting line."

"Che. These guys are idiots, Aniki. She didn't even warm up her engine before she moved to the starting line. That Porsche has been sitting for at least an hour. Her engine needs the warm up cycle to protect it. Her Aniki did the same thing. Those cars are going to need new engines in a couple years because of that kind of abuse. When are we going to face some real drivers?"

Ryosuke sighed as if in pain. "Patience, Otouto. This course is important for Fujiwara's advanced training. It has unique challenges that he needs to conquer before we battle top drivers again."

Takumi tried to ease the tension between the two brothers. "It's fine, Keisuke-san. As long as I do well, this opponent doesn't matter. It's a good way for me to learn new types of strategy and techniques. I'll give it my best."

"Blow her away, Fujiwara. I'll see you in a few minutes." Keisuke winked, and stepped away from his car. Takumi got in, shut his door, and buckled his racing harness in place. He checked his gauges one last time before he put the compact into gear and lined up with the sports car that waited.

The count down started. Keisuke had told him that the other car would have a quick start off the line so he was not surprised when Matsushita-san took the lead up to the first turn. The Porsche throttled down hard as the woman braked early for the first corner. Takumi quickly overtook the other car on the second corner and settled in to gain as much distance as he could before the gentler incline began.

The first half of the course had numerous corners for Takumi to use to his advantage as the top quarter was quite steep. Mid-speed turns dominated this road which was a disappointment for him. Takumi knew he needed to use the sharper angles of the course to gain as much distance from Matsushita-san's Porsche as possible. He would lose the advantage of his second gear, and lighter weight in the shallower section of this course, which was the largest part. He had to use new techniques to keep the hachi roku moving fast on this course, which was why Ryosuke san had chosen this battle.

A series of mid-grade s curves was taken with ease as he followed the rhythm he established from the previous night's practice. Akina's downhill specialist continued to plunge toward the bottom of the run, while ignoring his opponent. The Porsche's headlights would blink into his rear view mirror at every straightaway, but the woman did not manage to get onto his bumper, although Takumi knew she could still catch him.

Takumi entered the shallow portion of the course and continued to pour on the gas as he pushed the transmission and torque converter hard to increase his speed. Keisuke had said that her engine was in the back of her car. Here was where he would get into trouble with the other light weight, more powerful midship. Takumi expected Matsushita-san to gain ground as he pushed the Trueno hard to maintain his lead. The Porsche caught up to him with three corners to go.

What Matsushita-san lacked in cornering knowledge, she made up for on the straight-a-ways as they began their battle in earnest. Matsushita-san's brake points were weak, as she slowed before she should have to set up for every corner. From the glimpses he had of her technique, she was a mediocre driver as Ryosuke had predicted.

The last corner fed into a straight that had a fairly strong bank. That would be the place Matsushita-san's Porsche could pass him. Her tires could have enough traction to pull it off considering how timid her cornering was. Takumi got ready for the real contest as he entered the straight on the inside lane. He did a series of rapid shifts he had developed the night before to force more power through his drive train. The Porsche took the outside lane and gained ground to ride at his passenger door. The car gained even more ground as they dove toward the finish line. Fujiwara drop shifted to gain a final burst of torque from his engine, and passed the finish line with the woman's bumper level with his front tire. It had been close.

Matsushita-san looked unhappy as they parked in the lot closest to the finish line. Takumi left his engine running to speed the cooling process. He walked over to Fumihiro and waited for the rest of the team to return with the vans.

"Great race, Fujiwara. You beat the downhill record by six seconds."

"Uhm, thanks, Fumihiro san."

"Hey, she's pretty cute, Fujiwara, and looks like she thinks your cute too. You should tell her that you both set a new course time. It might make her smile."

"Can I leave that to you, Fumihiro-san? I'm seeing someone that gets very upset if they find out I talked too much to any women at a battle."

"Oh. Sorry, Fujiwara. I didn't know you had a girlfriend. My bad."

"Uhm, . . . not a problem. I don't talk much about myself." Takumi felt guilty for not correcting the other man's misunderstanding. However, he had to work with him, and did not like the idea of additional, unnecessary stress being added. Too many people looked down on gay romances, and Takumi did not know where the older man stood.

Fumihiro chuckled. "That's true. I guess that's just how shy guys are. Eh?"

"Yeah." He nodded his head in agreement and turned back to his car while Fumihiro walked over to cheer the attractive woman up before their teammates arrived.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takumi gets swept up in Keisuke's devious flirtations until something triggers a long lost memory that throws Takumi into a panic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes: As some of you have guessed by now, Takumi isn't gender oriented when it comes to falling in love. His main issues are tied to not knowing what is expected of him, and having too much bad information about how same sex relationships work. I always include angst in my stories, and this is no exception. Takumi's panic attacks have deep roots involving a couple severe childhood losses that caused him to shut himself off from others in this series of novels. This chapter starts delving into the toddler aged losses Takumi suffered. Flashback spots include abusive situations where Bunta's grief and alcohol abuse is mentioned.  
> Some heavy petting in this chapter as Keisuke pushes Takumi's boundaries. 
> 
> Aniki = big brother  
> Touge = mountain pass course  
> Oyaji = slang for dad refers to Bunta  
> Enjoy the chapter.

CHAPTER 4

 

Sitting on hachi roku's fender at the obscure lookout they favored, Takumi watched as Keisuke parked his canary yellow FD beside his compact. Stepping out of the sports coupe, Keisuke hit the locking mechanism and shut his door.

"Hey, I was getting worried. How come you're so late, Keisuke?” Takumi called.

Moving to face him, Keisuke's arms snaked around his waist. "Sorry for worrying you, Takumi. I got stuck in traffic behind a couple very slow delivery trucks and a tourist bus. I'm glad I'm finally here so I can spend time with my sexy man."

Before he could speak, Keisuke pulled him flush against his larger frame and gave him a deep kiss. How did Keisuke manage to convey so much emotional need with a brush of his lips? Pulling his mouth free of Keisuke's possession took great discipline on Takumi's part. Something within wanted nothing more than to cave and be held tight, to enjoy the emotions that Keisuke caused to surface. The rest of Takumi's mind argued that things were moving far too fast for comfort.

Getting free of Keisuke's iron hold was going to be much tougher unless Keisuke wanted to let him go. "I'm glad you're okay, Keisuke. Let's get started. Everything we need for practice is in hachi roku, waiting for us."

"Wrong. Everything I need is already in my arms, Takumi."

Flushing at the brazen brow wiggling smirk Keisuke leveled on him, Takumi heaved a sigh. "Keisuke, don't go there before cup training. After we finish training is a totally different situation. The faster we get your cup training done, the longer we can hang out afterward."

"Let's train later. If we do a few rounds tonight, does it really matter which order we do things? If you'd let me have my way, you'd find it so much easier to concentrate later when we're on the course." Keisuke's voice shifted to seductive yet wheedling.

Takumi sighed again. Hearing the whispered words combined with the feel of Keisuke's fingers against his ribs were comforting and electrifying. "Keisuke, if we change the order around, I'll have to apologize to Ryosuke-san every time I see him. I promised him that I'd make sure you stayed focused on improving your driving skills when we're together."

"Doesn't mean we can't take a little time to say hello to each other before tackling the course, Takumi. Or, am I the only one that has been missing my boyfriend so much it hurts?"

Takumi grabbed the hand sliding from his ribs to the front of his waist band. Keisuke's sultry words, and beguiling sensations that hi long fingers were causing was successful at distracting him. He could feel the bulge in Keisuke's pants rubbing against his lower abdomen. He was nowhere near as horny yet, and needed to keep it that way. If he failed to have enough determination to keep things on track, Ryosuke would have reason to get pissed at him.

"Keisuke? Have I ever said that I don't miss you when you aren't with me?" Takumi tilted his head as he met the pouting man's gaze.

"You aren't acting like you've missed me."

"Only because I'm responsible for making sure you don't start losing races. Ryosuke san warned me that you might get so wrapped up in me that you'll stop training. Your brother is counting on me to make sure Project D doesn't lose any battles. After training is done, we can shift gears, but not before. Even if he didn't say it, Ryosuke san gave me the impression that if you start losing your battles, I'm the one at fault."

"Fuck. I'm gonna kill Aniki!" Keisuke snarled as he released him and stepped back.

Needing to calm him down, Takumi stepped closer and grabbed him around his waist. "It's not a problem, Keisuke. Ryosuke san told me that he believes our being together is a good thing. All he asked was that I make sure you train so you won't stop improving. I didn't think his request was unreasonable. Getting into the pro's is your dream. I'm trying to help you get there anyway I can."

Realizing his miscalculation too late, Takumi felt Keisuke's hands grasp his hips again. Keisuke's fiercely demanding mouth covered his lips before he could diffuse awakening emotions. Keisuke's mouth drew him into his teammate's tempestuous personality with ease. Quick and taunting, Keisuke's lips, teeth, and tongue were throwing Takumi off balance, and weakening his knees. Pulling back for a ragged breath, Keisuke's cheek skimmed against his. Keisuke's face nuzzled him. Moist breath skimmed across his ear as Keisuke's affectionate touch made Takumi's heart accelerate.

Dropping his forehead against Keisuke's chest, Takumi muttered, "If I let you continue, I'll be worthless for the rest of the night. I almost couldn't hold it together a few weekends ago. Or have you forgotten the lousy job I did in winning my race against the Porsche? I couldn't get my mind to fully focus on driving, Keisuke. I'm just thankful that Ryosuke-san didn't figure things out. I couldn't break the first time record I set when I raced the damned Porsche after we did the time attack because I was so tired."

The resonant chuckles that greeted his ears sent a shiver down Takumi's spine. "Actually, Aniki figured things out the next day. Your driving was unusually timid that night."

"Crap, I thought I did a decent job of hiding that I was tired."

"Unfortunately Aniki's very observant, Takumi. He chewed me out after we got home. He informed me that keeping you up all day before a battle was absolutely unacceptable. He reminded me that if you can't win races and set enough records, it'll keep you out of the pro's. Seems he gave us both a similar lecture. Since the team's reputation is on the line, Aniki also threatened to keep us on opposite ends of the touge with watch dogs to make sure we behave if it happens again. He said he'd only resort to such drastic measures if I won't ensure you rest. I almost told him I was willing to make sure you relaxed enough to sleep well, but you wouldn't let me have my way."

Takumi's fingers slackened so that he dropped his keys as Keisuke caught his lips in another deep and devastating kiss. Addictive and intoxicating, Keisuke's lips and tongue were awakening his libido.

Breaking their kiss, Takumi stepped back and out of Keisuke's reach. He began scanning the night-shrouded ground. "I've dropped my keys. Damn it, quit sidetracking me, Keisuke. We're here to train. Everything else has to wait until after you manage four rounds without spilling any water."

Groaning, Keisuke shook his head. "Aniki's correct when he says you won't let me get my wicked way easily. All I want is to get closer to you, and you aren't letting me. Will you let me have my way after I drive that damned little demon-possessed monster that's pretending to be a car?" Keisuke bent down and grabbed his keys and twirled them on his finger with a smirk on his face.

Takumi found himself wondering about the specifics of same gender sex yet again. The speed with which Keisuke's kisses rendered him to besotted enslavement, Takumi questioned how far over his head he would get if he went along with Keisuke's plan. Whatever the spiky-haired blond had in mind might be so exotic he could not handle Keisuke's demands.

Takumi backpedaled until he could lean on his hachi roku's fender while facing Keisuke. "Depends on how bad a case of blue balls you're pushing for this evening. Uhm, I also have something I've been wondering, . . . so can I ask you?"

"What's up?"

Rubbing a hand across his flaming face, Takumi tried to figure out how to ask for information without sounding incredibly stupid. Giving up on finding a clever way to phrase his concerns, Takumi blurted, "How exactly are gay couples different from normal ones? I keep wondering how different we are from others."

"Is that still bothering you, Takumi?" Keisuke grabbed his chin and forced his face up to look at his darkened profile.

"A little. So far things seem pretty much the same as when I dated Mogi, but you said there are differences. Not knowing how things are different is sort of bothering me."

"Most things are the same in same sex and straight relationships, Takumi. A couple of differences in lovemaking exist, but I'm not going to push you into trying anything that makes you uncomfortable. Is that the problem? I'll tell you everything I know about from couples that are active if you want."

His throat locked. Swallowing hard, Takumi felt his skin heating as he looked at Keisuke's shadowed profile. Although it was dark enough that Keisuke was indistinct, Takumi wondered if his embarrassment showed. Clearing his throat, the teen forced his voice to work. "How exactly is that different?"

"Kissing, and holding each other is the same for any couple no matter their genders, Takumi. When you love someone, you want to please them. Making love is always about touching each other in ways that make them feel good. Remove the clothes and any couple will find the spots that feel good for each other from lips to toes. Instincts don't lie. Stroking each other's bodies is always the same across genders. The more aroused a couple gets, the more intense foreplay gets. Some couples like everything very gentle and slow. Some like to rough house, and make each other laugh as part of their lovemaking. I know of a gay couple that even gets off on biting and scratching each other."

Everything Keisuke was saying made same gender sex less exotic, and potentially frightening. Having seen porn films made it easy to see himself and Keisuke in various acts within his mind's eye. Takumi's imagination conjured several very explicit images as Keisuke continued speaking.

"Mutual masturbation is normal. That also is pretty much the same as any straight couple would do for each other. Some couples take things another step. They give each other oral sex to make their lover cum. Again, all couples are pretty much the same. Sixty-nine is also the same for gay, lesbian and straight couples. Intercourse is really the only difference you'll ever find between the couple types."

"Uhm, I don't really see how that would work considering, . . . uhm, only women are built for that, and we aren't." Takumi squirmed as he spoke.

"Some couples experiment with anal sex. Not everyone likes it, so couples that experiment with it don't continue if it doesn't feel right for them. From the things I know about anal, you have to relax your partner's sphincter ring before penetration. Some find that they like sweet spot orgasms, but can't handle full penetration. I've heard that some couples finger their lover to give them a sweet spot orgasm while going down on their partner to increase their pleasure. A few men and even some women absolutely swear that there's nothing better than anal orgasms. Others can't get off at all that way. Some couples switch who dominates in lovemaking, and others don't. Gays have that advantage over straight couples. Sex isn't set in stone when it comes to dominate roles. Each couple is different. Some like their love making slow and seductive. Others like things faster, or maybe even enjoy getting into rougher play."

His mind stuttered to a halt when it came to the final chapter of Keisuke's lecture involving Anal sex. Takumi nearly stopped breathing as the tone Keisuke's voice conveyed that he was going to put greater effort into getting everything he outlined in his lecture. Takumi had already come to recognize that focused voice, and its meaning.

"Anal isn't in my plans, . . . unless you really feel comfortable with me. Otherwise, that's not an option. So, you don't need to worry about it, Takumi. I'm not going to push you into doing anything you don't want to try. Does that answer all the questions you have?"

Takumi nodded feeling a lot better about Keisuke's expectations not including backing him into something he would not like. "Yes. I didn't know that men could go back and forth the way you're describing. I thought our relationship had to be like regular relationships. But, I really don't like the idea of pretending to be a girl. I kind of wondered if that was supposed to be the way of things."

Laughing, Keisuke's arm wrapped around his shoulders, his fingers slipping into Takumi's hair as their foreheads touched. "Sticking to a set role only happens when lovers don't trust each other, so can't get comfortable together, Takumi. Personal preferences do exist, but there aren't any hard laws about who dominates sexually in same gender relationships. We're not a damned Yaoi graphic novel couple. Neither one of us will ever qualify as a girl trapped in a man's body. I certainly can't imagine you or me wearing skirts. Fact is, I don't ever want to see either one of us behaving like that."

Takumi chuckled at the biting tone of Keisuke's skirt remark, and the amusing mental image Keisuke conjured. He found himself flush against the blond's larger frame as his knees and arms moved to accept Keisuke's closeness without conscious direction. They were both snickering over his fears being brought to light and put to rest.

Their lips overlapped, tongues thrusting and entwining against each other a few moments. The emotions that flowed into him from Keisuke's passionate kiss eased Takumi's skittish feelings.

Takumi found himself getting even hotter than his imagination had already caused because of their blunt conversation. His prior uncertainty and fearful expectations wavered under Keisuke's onslaught of genuine affection. Keisuke's kisses felt so very right. No matter his tangled emotions, these moments solidified that he belonged with the unpredictable, sometimes pushy man holding him. Takumi felt as if he could not get enough air into his lungs as his emotions shifted again. His arms wound around Keisuke's neck as he answered the deep, palpable emotions flowing into him.

Keisuke's other hand slid from Takumi's waist to glide along the bulge tenting Takumi's pants. He shivered in reaction to the intimate strokes and light grips that Keisuke's hand delivered to his sensitive crotch through the fabric. Keisuke's touch made his already throbbing dick more demanding as heat flashed through his system. Takumi broke their kiss as one of his hands dropped from around Keisuke's neck to catch his wrist.

"Uhn, Keisuke, don't! Please?. I'm going to have serious problems until I get home if you keep messing with me. Sitting in the hachi roku is already going to be uncomfortable without you making it even harder."

Velvet edged, Keisuke's voice purred as he continued to play with Takumi's hard-on through his pant's fabric as if Takumi hadn't grabbed his wrist. "You said you wanted to know the truth, didn't you?"

"Uhm, yeah. You just explained everything." Takumi blinked as he tried to force his mind back to their conversation. His focus remained glued to Keisuke's hand against his rigid sex. He could not quite get himself to stop the lewd caresses. Part of him wanted to know how it would feel to be with Keisuke. Would it be like his nightly wet dreams, or unbearable, even painful? The other half was terrified of the repercussions if he caved to this growing attraction. Images of his friends, and Oyaji, condemning him rose to haunt Takumi.

Keisuke's fingers were tugging at his button and zipper. Keisuke ensnared Takumi with his voice as the teen felt his over tight pants loosen. "Let me show you that we can do things that aren't going to make you uncomfortable. There's no reason for you to jack off later, when I'm here and willing to get you off any way you want. I know you want me, Takumi. Let me show you how good we can be together."

Before Takumi thought to object, Keisuke's mouth covered his again in another emotionally charged kiss. Takumi's lips and teeth parted as Keisuke's tongue slipped into the recesses, sideswiping his half-formed denial.

Keisuke's hand slid into his pants and beneath his boxers to touch his sensitive erection. A rumble from Keisuke's throat along with the feel of warm fingers gliding down his wanton penis had Takumi trembling. Long fingers closed around his hard-on and began to move in sensual strokes that melted his embarrassed resistance. Keisuke's other hand dropped to his hip and Takumi felt his pants shift lower as Keisuke continued to manipulate his needy manhood. Keisuke's tongue glided and thrust against his making it even harder to pull away from the delicious friction of Keisuke's hand.

It was a relief to have the tight fabric peeled back from his member. It also shocked Takumi that he was allowing his spiky-haired tormentor to be so bold. Yet, as Keisuke had pointed out, they had known each other for more than a year. Turning heated when mutual attraction struck was normal for a relationship that had a year to evolve into a more intimate connection.

Keisuke's lips released his to throw a heated smirk his way when his eyes slid open. Takumi's breath accelerated over being fondled in such a delightful way. As Keisuke caressed his arousal, his lips curved into a smile, everything about the situation told Takumi that he enjoyed the reactions he was bringing out. The breathy tone of Keisuke voice made clear that he was getting more aroused as he stroked Takumi's rock-hard length. "Let go, Takumi. I want you to enjoy my touch. I'll even give you all the lip service you could ever want if you ask."

Breath faltering, Takumi tried to form words that would not come. His scrotum tightened, tingling as Keisuke fanned his desire with a talented hand. Those fingers were finding hyper sensitive areas Takumi had not known existed. Keisuke used each one he discovered to drive Takumi's passion higher.

Takumi had masturbated many times to get relief. However, Keisuke's caress was much more inflaming, sensual, and enjoyable than anything he'd thought to do to himself. The way Keisuke's fingers twirled over his head, circling and massaging the tip, and focusing on the underside with each stroke had Takumi shivering as pleasure shimmered through him. The way that hand slid down his length with alternating firm and lighter griping, stoked fires in Takumi's body he had not known existed. Keisuke's fingers pushed even deeper into his pants, petting and cupping his sac. Devilish, talented fingers found a spot directly behind his balls that, when pressed and massaged, shot an odd sensation through Takumi's groin that ended in bliss.

"Nng. Ah, Kei . . . suke," were the only sounds Takumi could get out before he shuddered under another wave of knee melting sensations Keisuke was causing.

Takumi's hands slid to Keisuke's hips and fumbled to unfasten his boyfriend's pants. Exquisite sensations had drowned more of Takumi's shyness in the longing for release that Keisuke was promising with every stroke of his hand. The hot silken skin Takumi's hand wrapped around intensified his response as Keisuke's breath became more ragged next to his ear. An indistinct thought about how thick Keisuke was shimmering across Takumi's conscience as he was kissed again. Every thought evaporated as his partner's fingers found a particularly sensitive spot at the base of his head again, pushing Takumi's pleasure with being touched even higher.

"I like hearing your voice, Takumi. Let me give you a blow job. That feels even better than my hand does." Keisuke's voice purred next to his ear.

Somehow Takumi shook his head to refuse. Part of him rebelled at letting Keisuke's mouth anywhere near his groin. It was one thing to use his hands to get Keisuke off, and another to use his mouth. If he allowed Keisuke to go down on him, he would feel obligated to return the favor. Takumi was not certain he could do that. Blow jobs belonged in the solid, long term commitment category. Being involved with Keisuke was still too new feeling. Takumi could not answer several serious questions about this evolving relationship. His biggest question being whether or not they should remain together.

Ragged gasps overlapped as their tongues twined again. Their hands moved in sync around each other's hard lengths. Both were seeking to bring each other pleasure.

Takumi felt like a vice was constricting his chest without warning. Images flashed by so fast he missed most of them completely. The few that stayed with him were disjointed, and blurred.

_**"I be good. I pomise."** _

Where did that child's voice come from that snaked across his conscience? Who was the child Takumi was hearing cry so pathetically?

_**'A flash of reds, . . . furniture? . . . Sitting on something with a lady kneeling next to him putting his shoe on his foot.** _

_'How long until Keisuke leaves? Once he gets tired of me, he'll vanish too.'_

Takumi's mind shrank from the images, caught between pleasure and something much darker screaming up from depths he could not name inside himself. Jerking free of Keisuke, Takumi released his partner's arousal as he spun to the side gasping for air. Shuddering hard as the flashes of images continued crowding his mind. Few made any sense. The jumbled thoughts were beyond his control as he sank to his knees. Grabbing his skull, Takumi fought to slam the blurry images and floating phrases back into confinement. He did not want to remember whatever it was that kept seeking to overwhelm him.

_**A fanciful bird carved in dark red wood. A beautiful multiple colored Cloisonne plaque? Okāsan's sneer as she slammed the apartment door in his face, leaving pitch blackness surrounding him on all sides. "You aren't trying very hard to find an okāsan, are you? Pity that you came from me and still can't do anything right. Perhaps you should be alone all your life if you can't manage to figure out how to make others want you."**_ A scathing female voice, one Takumi wanted to forget.

_**"You're so precious, Takumi kun. I love you to pieces." Sitting at a red wooden table with chop sticks in his small hands, Takumi looked up at the smiling woman who spoke those wonderful words.** _

_'Haru chan? Okāsan? I don't understand.'_

_**'Little cat curled in his lap. Oyaji's drunken bellow, "Bad enough you look like that fucking whore, but I won't tolerate you acting like her!" Blinding pain. A woman's scream as weight covered him, easing his own burning agony. 'I'm always alone. Am I so unlovable?' Sounds he could not place, shivering against something in pitch blackness, trying to shrink back more so he would not be found.** _

More echoes of long unheard voices rose from the depths.

_**"Never forget that I do love you, Takumi. I'll come back for you soon. I promise" Haru chan spoke as tears slipped down her face. Hiding in his room because Oyaji was drunk again. Wishing he could go to Itsuke's where he was safe. "You'll ruin any chance I have of living a decent life if you go with me. I can't take care of you, and get anywhere worthwhile." Okāsan's familiar voice was so cold, and it hurt. "I not be mithake anymore. I be good, 'Kasān."** _

Keisuke's voice seemed to slap aside the hellish pressure clogging Takumi's chest. "Takumi, calm down. Look at me, Takumi. Are you going to be okay?"

Heaving several more deep breaths, Takumi managed to get control of his trembling limbs. "Sorry for panicking on you again. I don't know where my freak out came from to be honest." His emotions had gone haywire without warning. Confusion and a somewhat undefined fear was exploding through his veins, sending Takumi into retreat before he even recognized it was welling up inside him.

Keisuke's lips released a sigh. "Don't apologize, Takumi. I'm the one that screwed up. I hope you aren't too mad at me for being an impatient fool again. I didn't mean to push you into something you aren't comfortable doing yet. I promise I'll behave."

Takumi found himself leaning into Keisuke's embrace. The strong arms that wrapped around his shoulders were as much Takumi's haven from fear and doubts plaguing him, as the cause of these insane panic attacks. Things were becoming much too intense with Keisuke which triggered his fear.

Keisuke continued to speak."I really love you, Takumi. I only wanted to show you how much you mean to me in a way that would feel very good. Sorry that I frightened you out of your wits by pushing you too hard."

Takumi let his head rest against Keisuke's shoulder feeling tongue tied over the pain he heard in Keisuke's voice. Caught up in the blond's arms while Keisuke's head rested against his own, Takumi found himself speaking of doubts and uncertainties that he still had to sort out. "It's my fault too, Keisuke. I didn't realize that things were getting too intense for me to handle. Damn, I'm such a jerk at times, and I don't even know the reason for it. Suddenly there's images flashing through my mind so fast I can't catch any of them before they're gone."

How many more blind panics was he going to have before Keisuke gave up on his nonstop frustration inducing freak outs? He could have anyone he wanted. Women were clambering for Keisuke's attention, and yet, he had chosen a man that could not even go through with a hand job to give him a little relief after getting him horny.

Takumi heaved another sigh as depression settled into his soul. Perhaps the ghosts from his past were correct. Maybe he did ruin other people's lives. His mother had said it enough times before she left. Not quite able to stop shivering as disjointed thoughts continued to flash through his mind, Takumi could not stop believing that Keisuke would also vanish.

"I wish I knew the cause of your panic attacks, Takumi. Something really bad must have happened to you. Are you sure you don't know what's triggering this fear?" Keisuke's voice was soft, yet also held hints of suspicion.

"Sorry, Keisuke. I suddenly see glimpses of red furniture, my mom and Oyaji yelling, a lady that babysat me when I was really little, alternating with terrifying pitch blackness. It doesn't make any sense. If I knew what it means I could stop this from happening."

"Give yourself a break, Takumi. I know you had a rough childhood. Maybe some day you'll feel you can trust me enough to tell me about it all." Keisuke's hold tightened around him as he spoke softly in return. Takumi's emotions bled as Keisuke's sadness filtered into his soul.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takumi's feeling trapped between Keisuke and his ex girlfriend, Mogi, who is determined to get Takumi back. Coming to grips with a barely recalled childhood trauma he cannot quite recall has become the bane of his existence. Takumi finds himself ridden by inner doubts and self blame.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Initial D, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
> 
> Author Note: I do not have a beta nor editor so please be patient as I revise, and get the chapters up on this site. I've had a rough year for 2017, and 2018 seems to be following the same tragic death trend unfortunately. The eldest generation is dying out, as happened a few years back. Comes with the territory of large families I suppose. See any grammar or spelling problems? Please let me know.  
> Okāsan = Mother

CHAPTER 5

Takumi Fujiwara drove along the familiar track of Akina's mountain pass contemplating his chaotic personal life. The extreme changes happening between himself and Keisuke Takahashi were staggering. They were teammates with Project D for several months. Their relationship was shifting from tense rivals into intimate friendship without warning as of seven weeks earlier. Takumi was pushing himself hard to change his beliefs since getting involved with the spiky-haired man dominating his thoughts.

His heart was relieved that Keisuke's yellow FD wasn't behind him as Takumi glanced in his rear view mirror. He was still irritated at Mogi's most recent verbal jabs. The youth did not want to growl at Keisuke because of his newest struggle with wounded scruples.

_'Every time Mogi calls and Keisuke finds out, he gets . . . I don't know . . . he just seems to feel more devoted whenever he kisses me. It feels like he finds extra excuses to touch me after she makes me feel like a complete ass-hole. I'm getting sick of refusing to take Mogi back. Keisuke has been mind-blowing level affectionate this week. If I tell him that Mogi and I got into another fight, he'll get pissed as her, and will badger me to tell him everything. He'll try to wrap himself around me and ignore practice if he realizes I'm upset. I have to get over my foul mood so we don't get sidetracked. I promised Ryosuke-san to keep Keisuke training, so I've got to make sure he does.'_

Takumi winced as sunlight bounced into his eyes from a reflective traffic sign. Headaches were also getting more common. Battling with himself over how he felt about Keisuke daily left Takumi's temples sore and throbbing. Add Mogi's high-pitched arguments crackling over the phone lines, and Takumi was miserable. He rubbed his forehead with his left hand as he drove up Akina's winding course.

Trying to ignore his throbbing temples, Takumi began thinking about the morning when Keisuke kissed him the first time. The teen still felt every nuance of those poignant sensations that moved him to grab the blond around his waist before Keisuke could close the door to his heart. Other kisses had followed that morning as Takumi caved to the compulsion to accept Keisuke's all consuming, and freely offered love. If not for how engrossing Keisuke's emotions persisted in being, Takumi would have walked away.

Every time he saw Keisuke, Takumi felt drawn deeper into the spiky-haired blond's devotion, and undeniable pleasure of each kiss and touch that he received. Staying on schedule with their weight shifting training was difficult once Keisuke derailed his attention. Keisuke's touch tangled his emotions into knots so quickly that chaotic memory shards rising now trapped Takumi in a tailspin with every seductive act.

_'This is the fifth week of Keisuke's water cup training. He's improved fast in his brake mastery. Wish he would focus on body awareness behind the wheel. He still needs a lot of work to master feeling beyond his seat and steering wheel. He's got to focus more on understanding weight shifting. I swear if I hear even one crack about his body only being aware of mine this evening, I'm punching him. I know Keisuke can master this if he pay_ _s_ _attention to my hachi roku. Maybe I should make him drive a couple laps on his own. If I'm not in the damned passenger seat, he won't have any excuse for his attention wandering.'_

Takumi had convinced Keisuke to focus on driving for a set amount of time every other night. Keisuke had agreed after extracting the condition that they spent time together as a couple after training. He had gained a lot of insight into Keisuke's personality as he spent time with him. A new sense of balance was happening between them as Takumi got used to Keisuke's habits and dominant personality traits. He no longer felt like he was going to lose his own strength of character, although he still found himself following Keisuke's lead most of the time. Takumi continued adding seductive and charged memories of passionate encounters with his current partner to the ever expanding list.

However, Takumi panicked whenever things got too heated between them. His panic attacks were not due to prickles from his masculine pride. Every one of his panics came from deep, long forgotten childhood roots as best he could understand. Takumi realized his early childhood was often to blame for his knee jerk withdrawal from Keisuke's embrace. He had told Keisuke what he could recall after calming from each panic attack, although little of it made sense to Takumi even now.

Keisuke on the other hand was very certain that the pitch black moments had to do with Takumi having experienced something so frightening that he had blocked the reasons from his memories with extreme determination. Not that Takumi could argue with that idea. He knew he was stubborn and driven when it came down to things that mattered to him. It didn't stop them from making progress toward a stronger connection to each other, even if his panics did tend to slow things more than Keisuke wanted.

_'Can the attraction between us get any stronger? The tension gets harder to ignore every time we train together. At least Kenta's advice is sort of working. I'm not as panicked as I was_ _three_ _weeks ago. Now all I can think is how things would have gone the other night if I hadn't chickened out again. There's undeniable, potent chemistry between me and Keisuke that shifts into full-blown passion at extraordinary speed, and with little warning. I want Keisuke to stay with me, but I've got to get over this stupid fear to make it happen. I need to_ _remember whatever happened and also_ _trust him.'_

Their private, romantic time had become a source of nonstop sexual tension as Keisuke drew him into deeper physical levels of love making. Keisuke made slow, steady progress in his campaign to get what he so obviously wanted. The blond's tactics were never forceful, yet that made each interaction downright devious. Keisuke found many ways to turn Takumi on since they started dating. Many things Keisuke did when arousing him were revelations of how his own body responded. Takumi now found blue balls to be a problem with which he did not care to suffer long.

Nightly dreams tormented Takumi with replays of everything Keisuke discovered about getting past his defenses. He wanted to be close to Keisuke, and was losing his fear of being dominated by the feisty blond's personality. Takumi knew he was finding ways to make himself understood. Now, Takumi's body drove him crazy frequently whether Keisuke was there to torment him into heightened states of arousal or not. He was dealing with painful erections every night. Sleep eluded him until he relieved himself.

While Takumi still felt awkward because of his own maleness, he had lost much of his fear over following Keisuke's lead when his boyfriend got amorous. Takumi often wondered what would happen if he stopped having the overwhelming panic attacks. As Takumi became more attracted to Keisuke, the blond became even more affectionate, leading to more erotic contact.

Keisuke was holding himself in check to give him enough time to adjust to having a male significant other. Yet, Keisuke also wrapped him inside his arms and kissed him senseless at every opportunity. Keisuke never intentionally pushed him beyond what he felt sure he was comfortable with handling. Still, Takumi kept having panic attacks of different strengths at the oddest moments. Although his feistier partner tried to keep from freaking him out, Takumi never knew when the choppy, childhood memories would hit. It frustrated him more than Keisuke when he jerked away as his emotions went haywire.

Keisuke payed close attention to his reactions and stopped whenever he started to get shaken by intense responses to Keisuke's advances. Keisuke was attempting to adapt to his needs despite all the headaches the confusing memories were generating for them both. Takumi's memory had imbedded several very distressing moments from the previous weeks of trying to find a happy balance between his own masculine traits, and Keisuke's overwhelming maleness into his thoughts.

Takumi bounced his head off the headrest and tightened his fingers around hachi roku's steering wheel. He huffed, brooding over his unintentional cowardice. His curiosity and hormones overshadowed most of his social conditioning, but breaking down certain barriers between himself and Keisuke was still very difficult. His childhood trauma was the barrier Takumi found hardest to remove due to not being certain of the details from such a young age. Without faith in his ability to not make unforgivable mistakes, Takumi found himself terrified of loving anyone. Pushing beyond his fear of abandonment, Takumi was seeking the root of those fast flashing images he could not place. Some had surfaced in his sleep as horrific nightmares. One thing was becoming clear, Takumi knew he was in a very tight space in total darkness at some point, and for an undetermined amount of time. Blind terror had rendered him mute as he heard noises he could not place. For what it was worth, Takumi knew his mother had something to do with that particular terror. Oyaji was no where around either. Yet Takumi knew it was Oyaji who had rescued him even if he had no idea what he needed to be rescued from so far.

So what was it about Keisuke that tended to trigger that long forgotten memory so virulently? All Takumi knew was that he no longer felt unsettled about Keisuke's strong, often domineering virility. Keisuke was not demanding that he do anything that felt wrong either. If anything Takumi knew he felt a lot more comfortable with Keisuke than anyone other than Itsuke. The only reason Takumi was so comfortable with Itsuke was he knew his best friend as well as he knew himself. Yet Keisuke was making sure he was equally well known which gave Takumi plenty reason to relax around him.

Perhaps it was the sense of Keisuke's determination to make their relationship work for a long time that made Takumi trust Keisuke so much. If not for that very single minded openess, Takumi knew he would not have begun to uncover the source of his greatest fear. It had never been Keisuke's gender that alarmed Takumi to the core of his being. It was the realization of how important the other man was becoming to him which was causing Takumi so much anguish.

_'I've got to get rid of this crazy fear that Keisuke will vanish like everyone else I've ever loved. He's made it clear that he loves me, and wants to be with me. I need to trust that he's not going to leave me if I let myself go with him. I need to learn how to trust, even if it means I'm not in control. It's not like Keisuke's trying to use, or hurt me. Just the opposite's been happening. I'm not trying to, but I_ _know I've_ _hurt him whenever I jerk away like I've been burned.'_

Takumi understood that he was terrified. Losing the emotional closeness Keisuke honestly gave every time they were together triggered his worst panic attacks. His deep-rooted fear of getting attached remained the largest barrier between them. Everything Takumi genuinely wanted, and needed had been out of the question all his life it seemed. Moments of feeling that he was special to another were rare. It made things more difficult to handle because Keisuke showed him that he was cherished.

A lifetime of losses made Takumi too shy to make any move that might allow him to close the emotional distance with Keisuke. Harsh lessons that Takumi could not quite recall with any clarity seemed to be giving him reason to fear taking risks that could lead to another harsh rejection. Takumi knew he insured that his need of affection, and physical gratification remained bottled deep inside his heart, trapped behind a wall at a very young age. It resonated in his bones as panic, and Takumi could not piece together what had happened to make him feel that way.

_'I wonder if I'll ever close the rift, because I do need Keisuke. I can't stand the idea of hi_ _m_ _vanishing from my life. That thought terrifies me more than Oyaji learning about us. Considering how violent Oyaji gets, feeling this way is probably suicidal. How can Keisuke stand being with me after all my freak outs?_ _How long before_ _Keisuke think_ _s_ _I'm_ _playing a game with how I'm_ _pushing him away? I can't make myself stop. Keisuke's determined to break down the barriers that I can't tear down_ _alone_ _, yet the hell I'm causing must be taking a toll_ _on his emotions_ _._ _Not sure I could stand the panic attacks if I was in Keisuke's place. Keisuke isn't like_ _mom_ _, so why_ _do I panic each time things reach a new stage? Can't understand how Keisuke can handle knowing each new step freaks me out._ _'_

Images flashed in his head of how seductive Keisuke chose to be. The memory of every sensation his spiky-haired tormentor induced with a quick kiss and a devil-may-care smirk made Takumi squirm in his seat. His body remembered their last two encounters with a vivid and unexpected power that made the teen grit his teeth as he tried to block his body's overwhelming reaction while he drove.

_'Damn. I get so damned hot whenever I think about him. I'm always thinking about Keisuke now. At this rate, I probably_ _wo_ _n't get us through practice if he's in a pushy mood, and gets_ _us_ _sidetracked tonight. Why the hell does Keisuke have to be so talented at making me horny?'_

Takumi could still feel Keisuke's hands glide along his body as their tongues battled for supremacy. The way Keisuke caressed his arousal, his lips curved into a smile as he taunted him with words flashed through Takumi's mind. Takumi's fingers remembered the angles and planes of Keisuke's form that he had begun to memorize as he learned how to please Keisuke in return. Their most recent, and heated make out sessions had shown Takumi that he could enjoy seducing Keisuke as they explored mutual masturbation. The blond's touch had burned new sensations into his mind and body. Despite the temporary halt they had taken when he first panicked, everything had worked out after a couple more meetings, and Takumi was able to dig out a little more of his very young childhood enough to realize it had to do with his mother's leaving. It had not taken long for Keisuke and himself to realize the panic attacks were tied to how much their relationship already mattered to them both.

His pulse revved as Takumi sought to quell his body's nonstop hunger through force of will. Takumi's foot pushed on the accelerator as he wrestled with the desires focused on the man he was supposed to meet in a few minutes. Takumi noticed a car pull out of the skating rink lot across from him. He frowned, noting his speed when he checked his gauges. He backed his foot off the gas pedal, and sighed at the empty road behind him as he checked his side, and rear view mirrors.

Takumi knew preoccupation was dangerous while driving. He was focusing on his panic attacks around Keisuke to the exclusion of all else. His teeth ground together while giving himself a strong mental shake. His emotions sought to focus even more on Keisuke as he fought to get his attention focused where it belonged as he scratched his head and checked his mirrors yet again. The road remained clear behind him. Empty mirrors depressed Takumi because the yellow FD wasn't there. He wanted to see the man that had wormed under his defenses. Takumi mentally shook himself, and shifted his thoughts away from his current partner.

_'Oyaji expects me to get married some day. I considered going back to Natsuki to make him happy before Keisuke convinced me to date him. I almost took Natsuki back because of Oyaji's expectations, but I can't do it any longer. So, how can I get Mogi to stop calling every day, swearing she loves me when I know better? Will continually telling her no_ _mean I'll_ _goad her to backslide into subsidy dating_ _again_ _?'_

Takumi's thoughts turned back to the phone confrontation he had with his previous crush after he got home from work. Frowning at the road, Mogi's words echoed up from the depths. He recalled how her voice rose to a hysterical note as their latest verbal battle returned to haunt him.

_**"Takumi-kun, please don't do this. I messed up when I didn't tell you about Papa, but I swear I don't want anyone but you. Please give me another chance."** _

_**"Natsuki, it won't work. You don't love me, and I don't want you to hate me once you realize I'm not the person you really need."** _

_**"Takumi-kun, I do love you! Why won't you believe, and try to forgive me?"** _

_**"I forgave you for hiding the situation from me. This isn't about needing to forgive anything, Mogi. I know you felt** _ _**you were obligated** _ _**to see him."** _

_**"It is! I made a mistake when I kept seeing Papa after he paid off Okāsan's bills. I told you that I didn't know I was losing something important to me. I got into a rut, so I continued to see him. Papa's a nice person. But, I don't love him like I love you."** _

_**"Maybe you should go back to him. He obviously loves you a great deal or he wouldn't have done so much for you. He can give you more than I can, Natsuki."** _

_**"** _ _**N** _ _**o** _ _**way** _ _**! I left Papa because I only want to be with you. It doesn't matter if he would take me back. I won't get involved with subsidized dating ever again, Takumi-kun!"** _ _**Mogi yowled in a piping tone.** _

_**Flinching from the high pitch, Takumi grit his teeth and spoke.** _ _**"Mogi, we were never a couple. Even when we went on dates, we did things more as friends than anything else. Maybe I don't read people very well, but, . . . I always felt you were more interested in me as a friend, . . . or a** _ _**brother** _ _**, . . . than as, . . . a boyfriend."** _

_**"When we went out, I waited for you to ask me to be your girlfriend, Takumi-kun. I still want to be with you if you'll just give me a chance to prove that I am willing to change for you. Can't you try to believe me?"** _

_**"Mogi, I found out how different things are with the person I'm seeing now. I know their feelings for me are real. I don't have doubts about whether they love me, or need me** _ _**for something specific** _ _**like I had when we were seeing each other. Sorry . . . It's just, . . . I never felt, . . . Look, you didn't seem to need me the way this person does."** _

_**"Are you saying you couldn't tell how I felt about you when we went out? Didn't you understand when I kissed you, that I wanted to be with you, Takumi?"** _

_**"All I knew was that you wanted to hang out, . . . like we did in our soccer club. Can you understand that's the kind of feeling I got from you, Mogi?"** _

_**"Do you hate me that much, Takumi-kun?"** _

_**"How often do I have to repeatedly say I don't hate you? I always felt more like you wanted me to be** _ _**a big brother** _ _**, or a pal when I was with you, Mogi. That's not a reason for me to hate you. I doubt you could love me the way I wanted when we were dating a year ago."** _

_**"Tell me what you want from me so I can prove that I do love you, Takumi-kun. I'll do whatever you want so you'll believe me. I'll even come home if you say the word. You told me a couple months ago that you were having trouble getting over my seeing Papa. That's the reason you're doing all of this, isn't it?"** _

_**The female voice on the other end of the line sounded smug as Mogi pounced on his previous observation with a new twist added. She was turning his words into a present tense idea, when he had meant past tense.** _

_**"** _ _**N** _ _**o, it's not. Would you listen to me, Mogi?"** _

_**"Your new girlfriend, and everything else you're saying right now is because of how much I hurt you. I know I deserve to suffer, because I was wrong. I guess I'll wait until you decide to forgive me. I'll do whatever it takes to make you understand that we belong together, Takumi-kun."** _

_**"I'm with someone that I know loves me, Natsuki. I won't change my mind. Sorry, but, this has to stop. Stop hurting yourself this way. You don't love me, and I know it."** _

_**"Takumi, I know you'll take me back once you see how much I've changed. Even if your new girlfriend loves you, that doesn't mean you love her too. You've** _ _**pretty much** _ _**admitted that you do love me."** _

_**"** _ _**W** _ _**hat? Mogi, the hell's that supposed to mean?" Takumi felt his anger rise several degrees as his fist tightened around the receiver. He did not want Mogi to return. She had her own life to live. "I said I felt that way when we were dating a year ago. I meant it in the past tense, Natsuki. I'm happy with the person I'm seeing. Stop twisting my words!"** _

_**"You tell me you know she loves you, but you haven't said you feel the same about her. You would've said you love her, if you didn't still love me. You just admitted that you wanted me to love you better. So, I will, Takumi-kun."** _

_**"Natsuki! I'm not going to change my mind. It doesn't matter what you offer me, I know you'll regret it someday. Find someone who makes you happy, and lets you be yourself. You have to stop insisting that I'm the person you want. I don't want you to destroy your life, or yourself so you can be with me. That's not an option. It will bring nothing but misery for you and me** _ _**later on** _ _**."** _

_**"I won't give up. I know you're the one for me, Takumi-kun. Natsuki is going to make sure you realize it too!"** _

Takumi turned onto a side road that skirted Lake Akina. He followed the road along the side of the lake shore and, skirted the boat docks. The vividness of their conversation had choked his previous libido which was a relief of sorts. Takumi forced away their argument with supreme effort. The anguish her words caused ate at him. Mogi's accusation that he didn't love his new partner stuck with Takumi as much as her offers to ruin her life to make him accept her. His guilty conscience jabbed at his heart as he closed on his destination.

-oo0oo-


End file.
